


Operation: Keep Calm and Make the Perfect Christmas

by deductress



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Captain (Ghosts 2019), Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lieutenant Havers is forever patient and loving, M/M, The Captain doubts himself, The Captain needs a hug, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27895969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deductress/pseuds/deductress
Summary: He could do this – he could be proper, he could show his value and ensure he wasn’t a burden. He’d just need to treat this like one of his missions. Do or die. This would be no mean feat – the Captain grimly yet determinedly appreciated the enormity of his task set out before him; of ensuring Christmas Day was the best Havers, Violet and the kids have ever had. It would be his most challenging mission yet, it would be… ‘Operation: Keep Calm and Make the Perfect Christmas’.
Relationships: The Captain/Lieutenant Havers (Ghosts TV 2019)
Comments: 103
Kudos: 174





	1. Correspondences

It was very much true the older you got; the more time seemed to shrink and condense – every joyful moment was to be cherished, with the pragmatic awareness it was not likely to last long and in no time at all you’d be reminiscing fondly about those bygone days.

The Captain, admittedly, didn’t have many moments in his life he particularly cherished – a significant one being his sixth birthday when his mother had saved up for the entire year and gotten him a set of tin toy soldiers; another the day he was enlisted into the army (though, in retrospect, being deployed straight to the trenches mere days later had tainted the memory moderately). More recently, the Captain found himself burning every single moment he spent with his Lieutenant into his memories; keen to always have them as something to fall back onto when the inevitable isolation and loneliness returned once more.

Through the continuing weeks they’d spent on base at Button Manor, the Captain had noted that Lieutenant Havers had received a considerable amount of letters from home, many containing with them home baked treats and small family keepsakes. At first, the Captain had borne an envious longing for what the Lieutenant had – having never once received communication from his own family, unsure really if they were still alive and well. But after some thoughtful consideration, he acknowledged his envy was unbecoming of him and unfair to the Lieutenant. Havers was a great man and an excellent soldier; he deserved the frequent tokens from his family, if even just to thank him for his dedicated service to King and country. The Captain, well he had to achieve anything of particular importance – he shouldn’t expect his family to want to know of his activities, he wasn’t fighting on the front after all – what did he have to report that was of worth to them?

Embarrassingly, while the Captain had taken notice of the Lieutenant’s increasing quantity of correspondences, the Lieutenant equally seemed to observe his lack of any. The subject was broached one morning, nine weeks after their arrival at Button Estate, by Havers, with a careful tone he lightly commented, “Sir, forgive me for my forwardness but… I have never seen you receive a letter from home, are your family well?”

“I should imagine so,” was the Captain’s short dismissive reply, forcing himself to focus on the tactical plans laid out before him and not the concerned expression of his subordinate as he shamefully hoped the subject would be swept under the carpet.

Thankfully, the matter was swiftly dropped and the Lieutenant deftly changed topics, allowing them to continue planning the soldiers’ day of activities.

The Captain had allowed himself to forget about the Lieutenant’s tentative query, presuming his reply had been sufficient to keep the man’s curiosity abated, if not removed altogether. The cynical thought, gnawing away at the back of his mind, that the Lieutenant was possibly deterred by the Captain’s response; that the man may wonder what could be so wrong - so abhorrent - with the Captain that his own family wouldn’t ask after his wellbeing, was an excruciating one and not one he permitted himself to dwell upon for fear it would impact his duties.

A week passed by – a blur of drills and lessons, the Captain sat at his desk scowling down at the paperwork that seemed to grow each time he glanced away; fleetingly distracted by a speeding bluebottle or rowdy cheer or laugh from the men training outside. A knock at his door forced him to straighten his posture and smooth the scowl from his brow, unwilling to show how much the administration truly irked him (a soldier shouldn’t complain after all).

As the door opened to reveal a smiling Lieutenant Havers, the Captain had to immediately stamp down against the sudden rush of delight at the sight of the other man. Despite his best efforts, he felt a traitorous smile curl at his lips as the aforementioned man took a seat opposite.

Over the past three months, the stiff formality the soldiers had initially held around the other had, thankfully, substantially lessened. As both the Captain and Lieutenant grew to be more comfortable with each other, this allowed for more relaxed postures when conversing and more open expressions. They both had to maintain their consistent authoritarian positions when commanding the men, so much so that when they were only in the company of each other – it was a pleasant change to simply be themselves.

“Havers, how can I help?” the Captain queried brightly, grateful for the short reprieve from his administration duties.

“I received a letter from my sister, Violet, I thought you might like to hear what she said?” was the Lieutenant’s easy reply, expression open and softly kind in that way the man seemed to inherently be.

The casual familiarity the Lieutenant offered stupefied the Captain into an abrupt silence as his wide eyed blinked repeatedly in his disbelief, “I-” he stammered haltingly, “You-It-Well it wouldn’t be quite right. It’s your private correspondence after all, none of my business.”

Again, he felt the need to quash the rise of forlorn longing building within him, he had no right to be eager at the prospect of sharing personal details with his Lieutenant – he was the commanding officer; he wasn’t meant to be on friendly terms with his subordinates.

“What if I’d like to share my correspondence with you? I’ve mentioned you to Violet in my letters before, and she’s been keen to converse with you,” Havers smiled, head tilted invitingly as he held his promised letter aloft, his name written in exquisite looping script upon the envelope.

“You’ve spoken of me to your sister?” was the only thought the Captain seemed able to vocalise from the many questions raised from the Lieutenant’s comment; shocked beyond belief that someone would actually take the time to mention him in their private communications.

Havers kind smile widened, his gaze softening as he considered his superior, “Of course I have,” he reaffirmed, his tone gentle as if he were a doting parent stating the obvious truth that they loved their doubting child, “Now, may I read aloud her letter?”

Still stunned into silence, the Captain managed a jerking nod before the Lieutenant proceeded to speak his sibling’s written word, “Dear William, I hope the weather down south is keeping well as are you. I shouldn’t like to be doing all that outdoor activity in near-freezing conditions. The children and I miss you, it’s been an exciting week for the pair with Teddy’s seventh birthday approaching soon. Rosie has been helping me set up a treasure hunt in the garden, map beautifully illustrated and all. I imagine you’d have made a hunt that would have kept them entertained for hours! How has your Captain been? Please give him my thanks for his dedicated service in support of the war effort. He is clearly a gifted and patient gentleman for all he has done for the men and yourself, I’ve never seen you speak so highly of another officer before. Please find enclosed some of our latest baking, Rosie’s choice this time – carrot cake. I do hope you are keeping well, we look forward to seeing you in the future. All my love, Violet.”

The Lieutenant seemed surprised (if not slightly amused also) by the Captain’s beet red cheeks once he pulled his gaze from the letter within his hands and up to the Captain’s face. He smiled understandingly as the Captain quickly averted his eyes and bit his lip, overpoweringly self-conscious as he attempted to formulate a response to Havers’ sister’s unexpected kindness and the undeserved compliments she had granted him.

“How shall we respond?” Havers’ soft tone queried kindly, allowing the Captain some time to compose himself as he reached for the man’s abandoned pen and laid out a fresh sheet of paper in preparation for their reply.

“I-” the Captain worried at his lip a moment as his gaze bounced from the Lieutenant to the weekday scheduled pinned to the office billboard on the wall to their right and back again, “I can’t say I’ve ever written a familiar letter…” he whispered guardedly, as if admitting a heinous secret.

The Lieutenant let his head rest on the palm of his hand as he leant his elbow against the worn mahogany desk, his chocolate brown eyes warm, compassionate and without judgement, “Then this’ll be your first.”

When the Captain’s startled gaze jumped back to meet the Lieutenant’s - saw what was held within them - he felt the hard ball of shame loosen inside himself as he crooked a shy smile, cheeks warming as he softly agreed, “Yes, yes it will.”

Clearing his throat, the Captain raised his chin and steadied himself as he deliberated his response, “Dear Violet, thank you for your gracious words. It is clear to see you are kind beyond all else, very much like the Lieutenant. Your children sound delightful and have undoubtedly been raised expertly.”

Nodding, the Lieutenant swiftly wrote out the Captain’s response, “Do carry on,” he encouraged, hiding a smile at the Captain’s compliment.

The Captain hummed softly to himself as he contemplated his next sentence, “The base is running well. The Lieutenant ensures all the men are kept busy, but not overworked. I am sure a promotion will be on its way shortly. The men show great respect for your brother, and this allows drills and lessons to run smoothly without issue or difficulty. He has planned days out hunting in the estate next week to allow for both target practice and recreation.”

At the Captain’s pause, Havers carefully offered, “How about you tell her a little about yourself?”

“No,” was the hasty denial, “No, I don’t think that would be proper. I should think she’s far more concerned with your welfare, and the assurance that the soldiers are well trained and ready for battle.”

“Of course,” the Lieutenant agreed, albeit glumly – for some reason the Captain couldn’t quite grasp, maybe he was tiring of him for the day? They had been sat together for near half an hour now. It seemed time was slipping away, as always.

“Please tell her, I hope the children’s treasure hunt is a success and Master Edward’s birthday is a wonderful one,” was the Captain’s final comment, “Now, I shan’t keep you anymore Havers, I’m sure you have more you’d like to say to your sister without me badgering on.”

“You don’t ‘badger on’ sir,” Havers replied firmly, before gracefully rising to his feet and carefully folding his half-written letter – pen returned to its former position by the Captain’s right hand, “I’ll send on all you’ve said. Will you be available after 1900 hours for some conversation? I’ll bring Violet’s carrot cake?”

Blushing, the Captain only managed a single nod before grasping his pen (still warm from Havers’ grip) and forcing his attention on his paperwork, eyes lowered as he heard the Lieutenant exit the room. Only once the door was gently shut behind him and his footsteps disappeared down the hall, did the Captain allow himself to slump in his seat, head falling back as he gazed up at the ceiling as he whispered into the silence of his office, “Whatever will I do now…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a combined creation from the headcanons myself and Wheels have shared over xmassy CapHavers. Many hours spent discussing Havers' family, and how the Captain would interact with them. Seeing a shy lonely Captain finally be accepted into a family. So lots of thanks to Wheels - I look forward to planning future chapters with you!
> 
> I'm attempting a slow-burn, but by that I mean it'll be more than two chapters - that's super slow-burn for me.
> 
> I will also desperately attempt to get it all out before Christmas, I took the week of Christmas off work this year so there's a chance! However I work in the care sector, and things never slow or calm down, particularly during a pandemic.
> 
> As always, comments greatly appreciated but be kind please.


	2. Green Hills, Blue Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain wondered idly why he seemed so effected by the idea of his usual isolation during the holiday season.
> 
> An image of Lieutenant William Havers and his soft smile unexpectedly flashed at the forefront of his mind.
> 
> “Ah,” he acknowledged aloud, coming to an unsettling realisation.

As November neared to an end, the nights darkening further so and the mornings cold and crisp – the morale of the men seemed to jump erratically between ecstatic and dejected. On one hand, the Christmas holidays neared – the men had all been granted leave to spend with their loved ones; the very idea of finally seeing their wives and children bolstered most the men to work harder in their drills and study harder in their lessons. On the other, the creeping realisation that the war would not come to an end prior to the New Year continued to build, disheartening the men and causing them to lose focus and motivation. Why should one look forward to the holidays when you may be expected to serve on the front immediately thereafter?

The Captain was unaffected by either concept. The Christmas holidays would be spent on base, someone had to tend to it while the rest were away, and while the idea of being sent to the front did send a frightful shudder through him (faint repressed memories of the last time he’d been on a body-riddled battlefield) – it also send a thrill of daring excitement; ready to face Jerry head on and give him what-for.

Despite this, he couldn’t quite crush the sensation of desolation that snuck up on him each time he thought of spending Christmas day, alone, seated at his office desk with little to do but manage his paperwork and drink his prized bottle of Glenturret. He’d been saving it for a special occasion, but he supposed it would help time pass more swiftly on the festive day.

Christmas had held little significance to him since he was an adolescent boy, after spending two Christmases in the trenches – any joy or merriment had been sucked out of the holiday, replaced with the acceptance and understanding that it was the same as any other day; suffering and death did not stop simply because it was Christmas.

The Captain wondered idly why he seemed so effected by the idea of his usual isolation during the holiday season – he’d spent more than two decades alone, no family who might welcome him for a visit nor friends happy to share their time with him. He was well accustomed to his solitary existence, so why did it tug so excruciatingly at his heart this year?

An image of Lieutenant William Havers and his soft smile unexpectedly flashed at the forefront of his mind.

“Ah,” he acknowledged aloud, coming to an unsettling realisation.

The difference this year, came down to the bond he had developed with his Lieutenant. The man was something special; not only an excellent soldier but a wonderful man, and friend – dare he say it. The Lieutenant’s endless kindness and patience, particularly for the Captain – his moods and quirks, was undeniably pleasing. Havers, who always had a soft smile for the Captain no matter the situation, seemed happy to return the friendship – to the Captain’s utter astonishment.

Since that first day when Havers had invited the Captain to both listen to his correspondence and reply - as if what he had to say had any level of importance to Havers or his family - the Captain had felt lighter, a bit more secure in himself. To be involved with the lives of others, however miniscule, ignited a warm happiness within him he’d not experienced for a long time. He’d found himself eagerly anticipating each letter Havers brought to him; the updates on the activities of Master Edward and Miss Rosemary along with Violet’s gracious comments and queries.

Hoping it wasn’t too inappropriate or forward of him, he’d even begun considering possible gifts he could offer the children. A skill his rarely-seen mother had taught him from a young age was how to knit and darn – it had come in handy more times than he could count, and now he wondered if Miss Rosemary would care for a scarf? Maybe gloves and a hat? He was sure Master Edward wouldn’t be keen on knitted items, so was as yet still unsure what he could offer the sweet boy. Maybe he could ask Havers if there was anything the boy lacked?

As if answering the call of the Captain’s thoughts, a short rap of knuckles was heard at his office door before Lieutenant Havers slipped inside the room (the Captain had permitted the Lieutenant to enter without permission a few days ago, knowing he would not be callous with this allowance), his smile immediately lifting the Captain’s spirits and helping him to banish his prior gloomy thoughts.

“It’s a weighty one this time,” Havers commented lightly, placing the large envelope atop the Captain’s desk as he took to his usual seat opposite – making himself comfortable as if he were at home; recumbent for the evening after a hard days’ work.

“I say, it is rather isn’t it?” the Captain agreed, intensely curious despite himself, clasping his hands around his crop atop his desk in order to keep them busy and away from the intriguing letter.

The Lieutenant’s eyes flickered to the Captain’s hands, watching them wring his crop for a short moment before they returned to meet his superior’s own – his smile gentling as he carefully unsealed the envelope and removed the contents.

The pair were greeted with one hand written letter, in the graceful cursive of Violet’s hand, one poem written in choppy script and signed with ‘Rosie’ and one colourful pencil and watercolour painting with ‘Teddy’ proudly scrawled in the bottom right corner.

“Oh how wonderful,” the Captain exclaimed uncharacteristically impulsively, as he leaned towards Teddy’s painting to admire it in greater detail. The artwork consisted of green hills, blue skies and a round yellow sun, three smiling people evidently Violet, Rosemary and Edward himself stood among the green fields smiling brightly and waving at the viewer, “He’s quite the artist.”

Flattening Violet’s letter, Havers laid it down as he read out her words, “Dear William and Captain, I hope you are both well and allowing yourselves some time to relax between drills. This war shan’t be won if our officers are too tired from being overworked! The children are already excited for the Christmas holidays and have been asking all week if we can start our decorating. The Lord of the estate has also very graciously allowed us to choose and cut down our own Fir from his woods, an activity we look forward to. Included with this letter is a poem by Rosie, she has spent many evenings composing it after studying William Blake in her classes. Along with a picture of us all by Teddy, he expressly asked the picture be given to the Captain – so he may know what we all look like. He asked you paint a picture of yourself back, but I explained that soldiers didn’t have time for painting and you had much more important duties to attend to. He understood.”

Havers’ paused his reading when he heard a soft choking sound come from the Captain, when he lifted his head to regard the other man, he frowned in confusion at the glowing red cheeks and wide-eyed shock upon his superior’s face, “Is everything well sir?”

Clearing his throat roughly, the Captain ducked his head and lowered his gaze to Teddy’s painting stuttering, “F-for me?”

Smiling widely, the Lieutenant nodded, “Of course. He wouldn’t offer if he truly didn’t want you to have it.”

When the Lieutenant’s comment was met with only astonished silence, the Captain’s softening gaze not lifting from Havers nephew’s picture as his hands stilled their wringing of his crop, the Lieutenant continued his reading, “William, you shall be attending Christmas with us this year I hope? Teddy asks you help build him a treehouse when you visit – weather permitting of course. Captain, I hope you get some well-earned time spent with family at Christmas. All my love, Violet.”

At Violet’s comment on the Captain’s family, the Lieutenant’s voice unintentionally quietened – almost as if he were suddenly reconsidering uttering her statement. Placing the letter back inside it’s envelope, Havers heaved a soft sigh as he considered the Captain – who’s gaze was yet to leave Teddy’s painting; it seemed he’d been truly stunned by the boy’s kindness. A wave of unease and foreboding pulled at the Lieutenant’s heart as he cautiously deliberated his next question.

“Sir… May I ask what your plans are for Christmas? Will you be visiting family, staying with friends perhaps?”

Finally, the Captain’s eyes raised to meet the Lieutenant’s before a grimace flittered across his lips momentarily, his hands commencing their wringing once more, “No, I’ll be manning the base of course Lieutenant. Can’t let military plans fall into enemy hands, can we?”

Biting his lip, Havers eyes narrowed doubtfully, “But I thought all plans and schedules were to be submitted to HQ prior to the 21st? I heard the Button family were happy to return to the manor for the days we are on leave. You won’t need to man the base. It’ll be safe in the hands of the family.”

The Captain’s shoulders slumped under the surge of stomach-churning apprehension that washed over him at the Lieutenant’s words – the family were to return home? He couldn’t remain on base and fill his time with his duties?

Quickly shuttering the crushing despondency upon his face, the Captain forced an air of nonchalance, clearing his throat as he raised his chin defiantly, “O-of course. I was unaware of their return, but that is completely understandable. I-I shall spend the leave at the officer’s mess at HQ then.”

Since the start of their deployment at Button Manor, the Lieutenant had spent many hours in the presence of his Captain – he’d quickly grown extremely fond of the other man, his feelings deepening and growing more affectionate by the day. The decision to share his sister’s letters with the Captain was one he was glad to have made; it felt like the Captain was gradually becoming part of the family, and he couldn’t deny the tingling under his skin or the swooshing of his stomach each time the Captain smiled sweetly when he heard about Teddy’s antics, or his bright lively compliments about Rosie and Violet. It was such a change to the normally stoic-faced and stiff upper-lipped soldier he had first met. While the Captain seemed more open with his habits and quirks (he didn’t hide the way he wrung his crop behind his back anymore, nor did he straighten his stance tersely whenever he caught himself bouncing on his toes), he seemed as private as ever when it came to talk of himself or his family.

Acknowledging he was about to walk out into no-man’s land, Havers took the leap, “And how will you spend the holidays sir?”

“I shall…” trailing off, the Captain’s gaze lowered as he attempted to fabricate some kind of response to the Lieutenant’s question, what was he going to do? He’d planned to tackle his administration duties, maybe do some tidying around the base, create a new patrol schedule and search out new fields within the estate grounds for artillery practice. Now…?

The Lieutenant watched as the Captain’s cheeks blossomed pink, shame shining in his eyes as his lips moved soundlessly, spelling out an answer he didn’t have.

Feeling his heart twinge at the anxious expression on the Captain, Havers opened his mouth – unsure what to say, but knowing he needed to offer comfort, for both the Captain’s sake and his own. He couldn’t abide the humiliation radiating from the other soldier.

Abruptly, the Captain firmly barked out a response, “I dare say it’s none of your business, _Lieutenant_. Don’t you have a patrol you should be attending?”

The Captain’s biting tone took Havers by surprise – the Captain’s face had twisted into a scowl as he grasped his crop firmly in one hand and moved to his feet, standing tall and (what the Captain was likely trying to convey) aggressive; the barrier was up and the Lieutenant had been too slow to break it down.

Eyes closing in resignation, accepting this was a battle he could not win, the Lieutenant nodded with a salute, as he delicately picked up the letters on the desk before him, “Of course sir, I shall get right on it.”

Once the Lieutenant had left the room, closing the door securely behind himself the Captain allowed his posture to slump – eyes falling to Teddy’s painting still laid out proudly, the Lieutenant must have accidentally forgotten it in his haste to leave. Everything looked so wonderful, everyone was smiling and happy, holding hands as they walked together through the green fields – a proper family. The Captain couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so happy, nor when he’d felt like he had a family around him that loved him and cared for him.

And now, he’d ruined any possible friendship with Lieutenant Havers too, “Idiot,” he cursed himself as he slammed his hands against his desk in frustration. The Lieutenant would likely never share another letter with him again for his coldness, and the Captain couldn’t say he blamed him. His response had been quite objectionable, how could he be so cruel? Just like his father…

Sighing heavily, the Captain reached out – letting his fingers trail lightly over Teddy’s drawing, furiously blinking away the tears collecting in the corners of his eyes. One slipped loose when he realised thanks to his rude dismissal of the Lieutenant, he’d never got to hear Rosie’s poem. He likely never would now, and whose fault was that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to Wheels, this fic wouldn't exist without you. =]
> 
> I'm trying my best to get it all written/posted before xmas, but work has been rather exhausting of recent so it may end up running past, we shall see...
> 
> Comments greatly appreciated, thank you for reading.


	3. Yours Sincerely / All My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I adore you my dear brother but sometimes I do wonder how you can be, at times, so foolish and naïve. You cannot allow your dear Captain to remain alone within the HQ mess over Christmas. If he has no family to spend the Christmas time with, then he shall join ours of course.

_Dear Violet,_

_I hope you and the children are well. Teddy’s painting was wonderful, the Captain was extremely impressed by his artistry. Rosie’s poem was quite beautiful – the next Poet Laureate perhaps?_

_Thank you for the invitation, I look forward to seeing you, Rosie and Teddy at Christmas. If you are all quite happy to wait, I could help with the tree search when I visit? Best you don’t strain yourself trying to chop down the biggest monster within the forest (I know Teddy will chose such.)_

_I’m afraid I had rather a falling out with the Captain. I was insensitive in my questioning. I asked about his plans for Christmas, he seemed rather effected by the query. I ~~care~~ worry about him, he seems to be rather alone most of the time. I never see letters from family or friends. _

_I must apologise, I’m dragging you into a matter that is none of your concern. Will you have enough food for Christmas meal or would you like me to bring anything? I’m sure I could save a ration or two for some sweet treats for the children._

_Yours Sincerely,  
William_

_Dear William,_

_Teddy has plenty more artworks to share! He was very excited to hear the Captain’s compliment on his painting and plans to do many more for him. My dear Rosie remains as modest as ever after hearing your praise – I pray if she continues with her diligent studies, she may become the first of our family to attend university. What an exciting thought!_

_Your support in selecting and felling a tree would be greatly appreciated, Teddy has already been to the forest many times and says he has already chosen the perfect tree. I too worry about its size._

_I’m very sorry to hear of your fall out with your Captain, I’m aware of how much he means to you. I feel we are all, as a family, becoming rather attached to a man we’ve yet to meet in person, you’ve described him with such distinction and familiarity it feels as if he were already one of us. I hate to see you upset dear brother, I hope you may recommence your friendship very soon._

_Sweets will always be appreciated by Teddy and Rosie, but we should have enough – I’d rather you kept your rations to keep yourself strong and healthy while training._

_All My Love,  
Violet_

_Dear Violet,_

_I must regrettably report that neither I, nor the Captain, have shared any words as yet – we’ve both been kept busy with drills. I did try to call upon him last night for our usual evening conversation, but he didn’t answer my knocks. I must assume he was out on patrol. I find myself frustrated at his refusal to permit me to see the man beyond the soldier, he seems utterly unable, or unwilling, to let himself relate with another. I just don’t know how I should reach him on a personal level without causing further damage to our friendship. I can’t risk it effecting our responsibilities on base either._

_I’ll be popping into the village this weekend, I hope to find some gifts for Teddy and Rosie. Does Teddy require any toys or clothes?_

_I shall sketch out a plan for Teddy’s treehouse, we’ll need to ensure the garden tree is strong enough to take the weight of it first – we could use the wood of the Christmas tree for the foundations I’m sure._

_Missing you and the children._

_Yours Sincerely,  
William_

_Dearest William,_

_It saddens me to hear of your continuing troubles. From what you have told me of the Captain, he seems a dedicated soldier who has given his entire life to the benefit of his King and country. I can see how one might lose sight of their own wants and needs when spending so much time concerning themselves with the welfare of others. You must be gentle in your approach brother, you cannot ask someone to completely change their character overnight after all._

_If you have the means, Teddy would greatly appreciate a new yo-yo – his current one is rather worn and doesn’t move quite as well as it once did._

_All My Love,  
Violet_

_Dear Violet,_

_I thank you for your guidance on this matter, you always were the wisest one of the family. I took time to consider your words, and approached the Captain during drills. I suggested a discussion on the matter of a schedule change for the men and he allowed me into his office once more. He appeared more relaxed again, and it seemed our previous tiff was forgotten. It was nice to see him smile once more. He asked me to pass on his belated gratitude to Teddy for the painting, I was happy to note he had pinned it to his office wall – he said great art should always be displayed and appreciated._

_I bought Teddy a new yo-yo today, it’s blue – still his favourite colour I hope? I also got him a wooden Spitfire, I’m sure that will keep him entertained for many hours. For Rosie, I have gotten her a book of William Blake poems. Your own gift is of course a secret!_

_Yours Sincerely,  
William_

_Dear William,_

_I am so happy to read that you are back on good terms with your Captain, I knew it would only be a temporary upset. I have told Teddy that the Captain has displayed his artwork, he was very excited to hear of this. Did you discover how the Captain plans to spend his Christmas? Maybe time spent with family will grant him the rest he has earned, and allow him to take a few days away from his duties._

_You spoil the children so William! I can already picture the glee on their faces when they open your presents – they’ll be asking you to visit more often! I’m sure Teddy will want regular improvements on his treehouse too. Hopefully the war will end soon as you can spend a few months with us over the summer._

_All My Love,  
Violet_

_Dear Violet,_

_The Captain and I have returned to our regular evening meets – our days of distance rather made me appreciate how important our friendship is to me. He told me he planned to spend Christmas at the officer’s mess at HQ, he is always keeping himself busy in his duties – even on leave. He remains consistently dedicated to his King and country._

_We hear little from the front, so we can’t be sure how the war progresses. We remain ready to answer the call for deployment if necessary. While I do have a wish to fight on the frontline (I’d rather like to give fritz a bit of a bloody nose!), I realise leaving would cause me to greatly miss you, the children and ~~the Cap~~ my friends here on base. _

_What else can I be but a doting uncle to my dear niece and nephew? I’m proud to be related to such brilliant young minds, the least I can do is treat them where I am able. I too hope we may be able to spend the summer as a family, maybe if it were permissible with yourself - the Captain may come for a visit also?_

_Yours Sincerely,  
William_

_Dearest William,_

_I adore you my dear brother but sometimes I do wonder how you can be, at times, so foolish and naïve. You cannot allow your dear Captain to remain alone within the HQ mess over Christmas. If he has no family to spend the Christmas time with, then he shall join ours of course. We need not wait until the end of the war to meet your Captain, certainly the children will be glad for the extra company and Teddy has been eager to meet him since his first correspondence. I welcome the opportunity to meet the man you speak so highly of too. Please extend my invitation to the Captain, we hope he would be gracious to join us for our modest Christmas celebrations._

_All My Love,  
Violet_

_Dearest Violet,_

_With a little convincing, the Captain has accepted your kind invitation with his sincere gratitude. (He didn’t wish to impose and suggested his attendance would only be a hindrance – I can’t say I have any clue as to why – but once I told him it would make the children ~~and me~~ quite happy, he agreed.)_

_The days are passing so quickly, it seems like no time at all until Christmas and we’ll be visiting. I look forward to seeing you all once more and introducing the Captain to you._

_Yours Sincerely,  
William_

_Dearest William,_

_I am very glad to read of the Captain’s attendance for Christmas. Teddy has already begun a new artwork to be gifted at your arrival. Rosie too wishes to present one of her poems when you visit._

_We eagerly await your arrival William – you and your Captain, it shan’t be long now._

_All My Love,  
Violet_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to try a slightly different way of moving the story forward, not sure what people think?
> 
> I'm seeking suggestions on what Christmas gift the Captain might get Havers? I find myself rather stuck...
> 
> As always, thank you to Wheels for your continuing ideas and beta-reading, and thank you to all who kudos/comment. It always encourages me to write more. <3


	4. The Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet would like to invite you to spend Christmas with us. Not entirely sure if he’d misheard, the Captain abruptly realised he’d stopped breathing after the Lieutenant’s first sentence when the sharp burning in his lungs hauled him from his scattered thoughts. Pulling a gasping breath in, he blinked his eyes furiously as he formulated a response – mind drawing a blank, as his hands gesticulated weakly.

The days following the Captain’s abrupt dismissal of Lieutenant Havers were some of the worst he’d yet experienced at Button Manor, including the day of his initial arrival when the soldiers had been first introduced to him and quite visibly shown their condemnation at his taking command. That had been a rather disheartening day for the Captain…

Still, the lack of Havers’ presence and company had dragged at his heart and mind like no other. He put renewed focus into his duties, implementing tighter drills and extended artillery practice – in the hopes of drowning any melancholy in his responsibilities. It hadn’t really worked, if he were honest with himself. Instead, he found his thoughts often wandering to question after the Lieutenant’s whereabouts – what he was doing and how he was feeling; if he was also as lonely without the other officer at his side.

Thankfully, on the sixth day of their distancing – Lieutenant Havers had approached him, opening with a suggestion of schedule change for the soldiers. Satisfied to consider the Lieutenant’s proposal (but also delighted to engage in conversation with the other once more), he’d invited Havers to his office and it seemed with further discussion, and time, their work relationship had been restored. Something the Captain was eternally grateful for. Only six days apart and he’d been miserable. He hadn’t quite appreciated how much the Lieutenant’s company had made a difference to his entire day.

Today, the Captain sat in his office undertaking his morning paperwork (perpetually his most detested chore) – readily awaiting the Lieutenant’s pre-lunch visit; today he would likely have received his most recent letter from his sister. The Captain hoped his belated gratitude to Master Edward had been accepted and that the Lieutenant hadn’t said too much of their falling out. He’d hate to be seen in a bad light by Violet or the children, as someone causing undeserved harm to their Uncle.

Raising his gaze to the office pin board, he smiled softly at the watercolour image of green hills, blue skies and a happy family. Quite a masterpiece.

A knock at his door shook him from his musings, as the Lieutenant swiftly entered the room and easily took his seat – almost as if their previous quarrel had never happened, the Captain noted with considerable relief.

As usual, Havers’ smile lit up the room – soft and wide, chocolate eyes warm as they met the Captain’s own. His uniform was done up immaculately (a characteristic the Captain greatly appreciated) and his soft coffee-brown hair was flattened and combed neatly. In his slim-fingered dexterous hands he held today’s correspondence, which he carefully slipped open.

His eyes darted over the lines of his sister’s text, before the smile on his face widened further still as he let out a soft airy chuckle, “Violet would like to invite you to spend Christmas with us. She doesn’t rather like the idea of you spending it at the mess, alone, and she says both her and the children would welcome the chance to meet you in person.”

_Violet would like to invite you to spend Christmas with us_. Not entirely sure if he’d misheard, the Captain abruptly realised he’d stopped breathing after the Lieutenant’s first sentence when the sharp burning in his lungs hauled him from his scattered thoughts. Pulling a gasping breath in, he blinked his eyes furiously as he formulated a response – mind drawing a blank, as his hands gesticulated weakly.

“I-I don’t, surely that wouldn’t-No, no. I think you’re mistaken,” he stammered, clearing his throat roughly as he straightened his posture, “Are-are you sure you read it quite right? I think perhaps you have accidentally misread it Havers, I’m sure she meant the offer to be directed at yourself.”

“I’m sure,” Havers replied softly yet firmly, “I didn’t misread. The invite is for you sir.”

“No, it can’t-”

Despite the Captain’s insistence the Lieutenant was wrong, Havers flipped the letter over and slid it to lay in front of his superior officer – fingertips resting on the letterhead, as if to prevent the Captain from handing it back or discarding it.

_I adore you my dear brother but sometimes I do wonder how you can be, at times, so foolish and naïve. You cannot allow your dear Captain to remain alone within the HQ mess over Christmas. If he has no family to spend the Christmas time with, then he shall join ours of course. We need not wait until the end of the war to meet your Captain, certainly the children will be glad for the extra company and Teddy has been eager to meet him since his first correspondence. I welcome the opportunity to meet the man you speak so highly of too. Please extend my invitation to the Captain, we hope he would be gracious to join us for our modest Christmas celebrations._

Re-reading the paragraph four times did little to quell the swelling jumble of confusion and anxiety settling like a stone in his stomach – the line ‘ _he shall join ours of course_ ’ caused a jagged ache to pierce his heart each time his eyes glanced over it.

“But, surely I’ll just be a hindrance?” the Captain argued, tone weak and pitiful in his bewilderment, “I shouldn’t like to ruin your family’s celebrations.”

“Why would you ruin it?” the Lieutenant queried softly, gaze almost painfully understanding.

“I just-well,” clearing his throat the Captain repressed a grimace as his eyes averted to take in Teddy’s artwork, “I’ve rather been… in the way, in past Christmases. I shouldn’t like to do the same to you and your own. It wouldn’t be fair, particularly to the children.”

The Lieutenant leaned forward in his seat, head tilted down in an attempt to catch the Captain’s gaze, “Violet and the children want you to visit. They’d be disappointed if you didn’t, I’m sure. I-I’d be disappointed, too. If you didn’t.”

The Lieutenant’s softly uttered final line caused the Captain to gasp lightly, returning his gaze to meet the Lieutenant’s – as if drawn there like a magnet; out with his control but as natural and certain as the laws of physics.

Unable to prevent the blush decorating his cheeks, the Captain lowered his head and nodded his acceptance, “Then I’d-I’d like to accept Violet’s kind invitation.”

“I’m glad,” Havers’ warm voice rasped quietly, gaze held strong on the Captain for a few moments as the muscle in his jaw flexed – almost as if he were holding back more words he wished to utter?

Nodding to himself, the Lieutenant leaned back away from the Captain’s space – taking Violet’s letter in his hands, he got to his feet, “It’s nearing ten hundred hours, I’ll check on the men then respond with your acceptance. It’ll be wonderful, Christmas I mean, us all as a family.”

Eyes widening, the Lieutenant’s cheeks burst aflame (the Captain had to admit – it was nice seeing it the other way round for a change) for some reason, before he swiftly saluted and hastily exited the office. Still endlessly considerate as he carefully closed the door behind him so it didn’t slam, despite his hurriedness.

_Christmas with Havers?_ The Captain wasn’t sure how to feel in that moment. He felt both thrilled, almost overwhelmingly so, but also terrified. Terrified that he might say or do the wrong thing; humiliate and alienate himself. Lord knows it had happened before. Or worse – what if he didn’t meet their expectations? Violet and the children were expecting a brave war hero based from what they’d read in Havers’ kind words; nothing like him. What if his… _peculiarities_ repelled them? What a disappointment he’d be. It wasn’t fair to them, any of them – they didn’t deserve to have their Christmas ruined by him.

What should he do? As a child he’d spent many an anxious and tense Christmas with family – his father disapproving, sneering when he’d shown excitement at his gifts. One year, his grandmother had gotten him a book on gardening after he’d spend the summer helping her. He still distinctly and vividly remembered the disparaging expression on his father’s worn face; the way he’d scoffed, tone rough and venomous as he spitted, “You’ll turn him into **even more** of a weakling Victoria, planting _flowers_ , pathetic. He’ll _never_ be a proper man.”

The rest of the day had proven extremely uncomfortable for the entire family, with a stilted Christmas meal and family members excusing themselves early into the evening in their escape. He’d realised then it had all been his fault – if he’d been more of a man, had instead worked to prove himself to his father, the man would never have said those hateful words and made everyone feel so bad. He’d been so ashamed of himself. His grandmother’s gift was never read, instead it lay abandoned on his book shelf – pushed to the side for his school textbooks in his determination to excel and join the army, be a military man same as his father. Then he’d be proud of him, he was sure. (Of course that had never happened, he’d never got that desperately sought-after approval, but that was beside the point.)

_Maybe that was the answer?_

Eyes widening at his realisation, the Captain nodded firmly, shoulders straight as he lifted his chin.

He’d work to be a better person. He’d show Havers and his family he could be the best model army Captain that they expected; that he did actually hold some worth and could be useful in their celebrations. But how could he prove his worth to them? He could…

Rolling his eyes to the side contemplatively, the Captain’s gaze fell upon his empty breakfast plate – once containing his toast, now only crumbs. _He could provide food!_ He could stockpile his ration coupons, save them so as to be able to offer plenty of food and drinks to keep the family happy in their festivities. He could easily survive with minimal sustenance, whereas the idea that his rations may bring a smile to the children’s, and Havers’, lips was more than enough reward to make up for his hunger. The gifts he was considering making for the children would definitely happen now – he’d find time to craft them in the evenings between his duties and Havers’ visits.

He could do this – he could be proper, he could show his value and ensure he wasn’t a burden. He’d just need to treat this like one of his missions. Do or die. This would be no mean feat – the Captain grimly yet determinedly appreciated the enormity of his task set out before him; of ensuring Christmas Day was the best Havers, Violet and the kids have ever had. It would be his most challenging mission yet, it would be… ‘Operation: Keep Calm and Make the Perfect Christmas’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working hard to complete this by Christmas, but I definitely won't have it done for the Christmas special so hopefully that doesn't change what we know of the Captain/Havers any and make any part of my story redundant.
> 
> Thank you for the continued reviews and kudos, it's greatly appreciated.


	5. Meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today was the first day of leave; all the men were packing their suitcases, eager to return home and embrace family and friends. And for once, the Captain would be among them.

Warmly greeted by the soft morning light of a winter dawn, golden rays shining through the thin material of the dated curtains, the Captain’s eyes fluttered open languidly. Taking a moment to appreciate the comforting heavy weight of his duvet upon him, the Captain’s gaze moved to admire the motes of dust dancing within the exposed sunlit beams.

This had consistently been the Captain’s favourite part of the day since he was a small child – those short moments where the rest of the world didn’t exist, still lost in a light doze feeling as if it were only him and the pure tranquillity of dawn. Listening to the birds singing outside his window, a faint smile pulled at his lips – if only every moment could be as peaceful as the first moments of awakening.

Unfortunately, the stillness was rather promptly ruined by the echo of boisterous (and somewhat obnoxious, the Captain exasperatedly noted) laughter – today was the first day of leave; all the men were packing their suitcases, eager to return home and embrace family and friends. And for once, the Captain would be among them.

He’d worked hard the past few weeks; fully absorbed in accomplishing his mission – driven to ensure Havers, Violet and the children would find value in his attendance and wouldn’t regret their original invitation. He’d skipped a few meals here and there, at breakfast often choosing to have dry toast without his usual portion of jam, when Havers came for his evening chats – he declined his customary Sherry or Whiskey. Upholding this behaviour had resulted in a nice collection of ration vouchers, which he’d bundled together with string and slipped inside an envelope. Hoping it would be sufficient payment for his time spent staying with them all.

The disquieting thought (in a voice that seemed unnervingly similar to his father’s) that no payment would ever be adequate for his being a burden caused the Captain’s eyes to close dejectedly. He allowed himself a brief moment of despondency before pushing the covers back and moving to prepare himself for the day. And if his jittering nerves caused his fingers to shake and fumble on the buttons of his uniform, well, that was his private shameful secret.

Once fully dressed, the Captain checked the contents of his overnight bag – silently ticking off each item in his head as he carefully re-organised them. His gifts were sorely lacking in merit, he was fully aware of this wretched fact, but he’d done what he could with the little materials available to him. He’d gotten gifts for both the children, one for Violet along with his meagre offering of ration vouchers and something also for Havers. He was still undecided whether to actually give it to the man, or hide it away and pretend the thought had never even crossed his mind. Pursing his lips, he shifted Havers’ gift to the bottom, hidden beneath his extra set of clothing and deliberately forgotten about, for the time being.

After the third time brushing imaginary lint from the sleeves of his uniform jacket, the Captain acknowledged his anxieties were showing. A matter he’d need to swiftly rectify, as he was expected down at the main entrance by Havers in less than ten minutes.

The Lieutenant had explained in considerable detail the expected layout of the day – Havers always did seem to appreciate how much the Captain preferred his routine and how he liked to be fully prepared and apprised of anything outwith his schedule. They were to take a taxicab to the local train station, then it was a three hour ride to their village destination. From there, they would walk through the hamlet to Violet’s home on the outskirts within the countryside. They were predicted to arrive by late afternoon, most likely at sunset.

Closing his eyes and breathing in deep, the Captain reaffirmed his mental mantra he’d settled upon days before – _act normal, don’t let your oddities show and prove your worth_. With this thought resolute in his mind, he exited his quarters – closing the door firmly behind himself and stanchly ignoring the unforeseen spike of anxiety that stabbed through him as his fingers slipped away from the handle. All of a sudden he comprehended he would have no safe space, no place to go to if this all fell through. His quarters had always been ideal for whenever he needed to disappear for a while – escape the harsh judgmental glares of his subordinates, and let himself just _be_. If even only for a few short moments while he re-built his façade once more. Where would he go if the Havers’ turned him away? He hadn’t booked a space at the officer’s mess, so would certainly not be permitted to go there. He’d have nowhere to turn to. At this thought, the Captain became sharply aware of the rattling quiver of his uneven breathing.

“Sir?”

Twisting around, the Captain was startled to see the soft smile of one Lieutenant Havers a respectful distance behind him – his worn leather travel satchel thrown over one shoulder jauntily, “It’s not like you to be late, so I thought I’d best come check you were alright.”

Forcibly swallowing down his fears and insecurities as he levelled his breaths, the Captain gave a light cough before offering a tight smile, “Of course, my apologies Havers. Shall we take our leave?”

The Lieutenant’s eyes narrowed slightly as his gaze met the Captain’s, as if he were examining the Captain’s response and found it instead to raise more questions, however the scrutiny lasted only a few seconds before Havers’ habitual smile returned to his lips and he nodded softly.

The Captain was grateful for the Lieutenant’s easy acceptance of his tardiness, and as they sat within the taxicab, found himself slowly, incrementally, relaxing as he listened to the calming timbre of his Lieutenant; the man remarking on what they were to expect at Violet’s, and fondly reminiscing on previous visits and the mischief the children had gotten up to.

The Lieutenant always seemed content to fill the silence when the Captain struggled to find his words, never interrupting or correcting the Captain, but instead softly regaling the day’s activities or detailing the plot of his most recent book. Havers never felt the need to prompt discussion with the Captain, never compelled him to give a response or offer his opinion. It was freeing, in many ways, having no expectations thrust upon him. He could simply sit back and listen. It was nice.

Their arrival at the train station caused a shiver of apprehension to rush through the Captain, as the pair navigated through the busy turnstiles – already the area felt too crowded, too hectic but the moment they stepped foot upon the platform, any remaining amiable sentiments immediately dispersed as swarming bodies manhandled them unpleasantly.

The platform had become a sea of people, all set upon their own path and uncaring if said path was causing them to brush or shove against others. They had places to be after all, no time to worry about personal space or propriety.

As continually bumping shoulders and arms brushed his own, the Captain felt himself begin to shrink instinctively inwards – shoulders curling protectively as the unwelcome touches jostled him. The sensation of being contaminated by each touch prickled uncomfortably at the Captain’s skin as he ran through his personal manta on repeat; _act normal, don’t let your oddities show and prove your worth_.

His gaze fell to the ground, eyes trained on the Lieutenant’s shoes as he fell into step behind the other man and allowed him to lead his own way through the increasing hustle and bustle. Despite keeping close to Havers, the grazing touches of others continued mercilessly.

Acutely mindful that he had to maintain his façade, lest Havers be made aware of his anxiety, the Captain rolled his head from side-to-side; gritting his teeth against the excruciating burning simmering under his skin. The acrid taste of coal smoke hit the back of his throat as the approaching train neared the platform edge, the metallic screech of its braking wheels grinding against the rails caused a shudder to course through the Captain’s body in response. The high-pitched squeal made him want to desperately cover his ears and block out the sound, but he knew the movement would be frowned upon by those around him and instead put all his effort into standing as tall as he could and shadowing the man before him.

When one individual, male or female – the Captain was unable to note so drowned by his senses as he was, shouldered him bodily out of their way as they exited their carriage, the overpowering need to run and find somewhere to hide swept over him. Suddenly, it was all too much. Too many people, too much noise, too much _wrongness_.

He urgently wanted to go back to the base. _Now_. Back to the orderliness of his daily schedule, the safety of his quarters and the familiarity of his patrols. He was wrong to think this would work; that he’d be accepted by Havers’ family and that he’d be able to uphold his barely held-together veneer and hide his peculiarities.

Lost in the screaming of his senses, the Captain scrunched his eyes shut – ducking his head down and flexing his jaw as he fiercely fought against the irresistible urge to hum. Hazily, be became aware of a gentle hand grasping his arm and guiding him forwards.

“Up the steps, slowly now.”

His legs followed the softly-spoken instructions without conscious thought, instinctively knowing the voice was safe and no harm would befall him by adhering to its directions.

He felt himself guided further along, his eyes still clamped shut to block out the world, until eventually hands moved to his shoulders and pushed carefully down, “You can sit here. Take a moment. It’s just us here now.”

As the familiar kind voice trailed off, the Captain became conscious of several differences.

First, it was quiet.

Not silent, the calls of commuters still echoed faintly, the boom of the steam engine could still be heard. But it was muted. It wasn’t all-engulfing anymore. It was manageable.

Secondly, there were no longer any bodies pushing against his own – while the impression of being tainted by their touch still tingled on his skin, he realised, with considerable relief, he had his personal space once more.

Warily fluttering his eyes open, the Captain meekly raised his head to meet the concerned gaze of his Lieutenant – his heart filling with dread when he comprehended he’d broken his mantra already. They hadn’t even arrived at Violet’s and he’d humiliated himself. Havers must have been disgusted at his behaviour. He’d likely brought the Captain here so he could tell him he’d be going to his sister’s alone, and that the Captain should make other plans for Christmas.

Darting his eyes around, he observed they were in a single cabin by themselves – the door was pulled shut and the blinds were down, hiding them the curious gawping of any bystanders. Pulling compulsively at the cuffs of his jacket, the Captain attempted to slow the racing of his heart, painfully biting his tongue against the want to hum – further embarrassing conduct would be unlikely to gain the Lieutenant’s forgiveness.

As he struggled to make his mouth form an apology, Havers leaned over the space between them – his hands reaching out to rest atop the Captain’s where it worried at his cuff.

“I’m so sorry,” Havers apologised, his tone perplexingly distraught, “I didn’t stop to think how busy the station would be.”

Shaking his head, the Lieutenant smiled self-deprecatingly, his tone reproachful as he muttered to himself, “I should have considered-” 

Still unable to find words, the Captain shook his head, eyes wide as he tried to express how he was the one who should be seeking forgiveness – the very idea that the Lieutenant had anything to apologise for was baffling!

“Just, take some time,” Havers cut through, tone gentling as his hands rubbed the Captain’s soothingly, his firm yet tender touch eradicating the contamination of earlier, “It’s just us here. I found an empty carriage. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, like I know you feel you should. Let’s just… watch the world go by, does that sound alright?”

Offering a single jerky nod, the Captain swallowed roughly, stare cautious as he considered the other soldier. Havers’ gaze was as warm and non-judgemental as always, his chocolate eyes free of any disparagement. He truly wasn’t deterred.

As the train abruptly juddered forward, beginning the next leg of its journey; the Lieutenant then seemed to remember that his hands were still enclosed around the Captain’s – he drew them away with a bashful smile, cheeks pink as he moved to be seated beside the Captain, as opposed to being across from him.

Smiling shyly, the Lieutenant’s eyes jumped away to look out the window – prompting the Captain to do the same, turning to watch the houses eventually thin out into empty countryside, occasionally dotted with the odd sheep and cattle.

When green fields and blue skies reminded him of a certain artwork pinned to his office billboard, the Captain felt himself unconsciously relax against the seat cushions dimly aware of the exhaustion pulling at his mind as his eyelids fluttered to a close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has grown into something so much bigger and more developed than I originally planned. This will in no way be complete in time for Christmas. I'm now aiming for the week before New Year. *fingers crossed* 
> 
> My autistic!Captain headcanon has overtaken my writing again also, this chapter was supposed to include a lot more than just his meltdown but here we are!
> 
> As always, thank you to all comments/kudos and massive thanks to Wheels' continuing inspiration and beta-reading.


	6. Home Is Where the Heart Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’d be away from base for eleven days, eleven glorious days where they didn’t need to maintain their commanding personas – they could simply be themselves, with no pressure or expectations. Havers had to admit to himself, he was eager to see a laidback Captain.

Lieutenant William Havers was a man known for his unending patience and his uncanny ability to keep on good terms with all sorts of people, from barely-adult privates to the top brass. It had always come to him naturally; he was not one for conflict, and he severely disliked seeing anyone being treated poorly. His sister Violet had always described him as ‘ _feeling too much_ ’ – he empathised with others’ suffering too easily, and due to this always did his best to fight for the underdog.

He was someone who was easy to get on with, relatable and familiar. An aspect of his personality William had always been grateful for. However, when in the army this unfortunately meant that some of the low-ranking soldiers could be a little _too_ open and brazen with him in their complaints and gossip.

Word had gotten about that the Captain would be spending Christmas with Havers and his family – he couldn’t be sure how, as he was well aware the Captain never spoke of his private life or activities to anyone, so it certainly wasn’t due to anything the Captain had said. The army rumour mill was an unfathomable one; never able to trace exactly where the information had first originated. Nevertheless, the word was out and this had led to several soldiers approaching the Lieutenant and offering their ‘ _commiserations_ ’ at his bad luck. As if having the Captain spend Christmas with him was some kind of punishment or chore to be burdened with. It seemed many had presumed the top brass had ordered the Captain to spend time with him; as if it were some obscure team-building activity.

He’d found his celebrated patience was starting to run thin by the fifth soldier that had approached him, clapping him on the back with a pitying grimace. Extremely conscious of how protective the Captain was about his privacy, he’d said little back to the comments – not wanting to create new unwelcome rumours, in particular any that could genuinely cause hurt to the Captain if he were to overhear them. (As if the current weren’t insulting enough.)

When he’d belatedly noticed the Captain not attending lunches or dinners in the mess hall – he’d been duly concerned the Captain had heard some of the men’s comments, possibly feeling too sore to remain in the same room as them. Havers had thought to subtly query his disappearance during their shared breakfast hour, typically had within the Captain’s office – discussing the day’s schedule over their morning tea. It was there Havers had then observed the Captain not partaking in his usual jam on toast, and instead choosing to eat his toast dry. For many, this change would be irrelevant – a simple variation in tastes, however with the Captain; it caused an alarm to clang noisily within Havers’ mind. The Captain was a man of habit and rituals; he knew what he liked and he stuck with it – he followed his daily routine to the dot, and any alterations to said routine tended to cause anxiety and waspish behaviour in him.

All this, along with the Captain rejecting his regular sherry ration in the evenings had put the Lieutenant on edge. He dearly wished to broach the issue with the Captain, but after their previous falling-out – he was reluctant to create any new tension in their relationship. William swore he’d never forgive himself if he caused another rift between them – their friendship was just too important to damage so carelessly.

Grudgingly holding his tongue over the weeks leading up to Christmas leave, he felt the weight lift off his shoulders on the morning of leaving for Violet’s. They’d be away from base for eleven days, eleven glorious days where they didn’t need to maintain their commanding personas – they could simply be themselves, with no pressure or expectations. Havers had to admit to himself, he was eager to see a laidback Captain. Unburdened by his duties and finally having the ability to be comfortable in himself, not concealing his quirks or maintaining his perpetual stiff-upper-lip when one shouldn’t need to.

William had explained the day’s travel schedule in detail to the Captain, hoping to allay any anxiety his superior may have when presented with an unfamiliar situation. When the Captain hadn’t arrived at the agreed meeting point on time, his search had led him to find the Captain standing staring at the door to his quarters. Reluctance and apprehension radiating off him in almost visible waves.

Despite this, the Lieutenant felt sure the day would pass with ease and was excited to introduce the most important people in his life to each other. Naturally, in his enthusiasm, he’d neglected to consider just how busy the train station would be two days prior to Christmas. A matter that was one he’d never needed to concern himself with previously – he would simply make his way through the crowd and find them some empty seats. Only acknowledging just how thunderously loud, objectionably populated and dizzyingly colourful the station must have been when he turned to speak to the Captain, and found the man with eyes clamped shut, shoulders rigid and jaw tight as if preparing himself for a beating.

The sight alone had caused a spike of self-loathing to spear at his heart – acknowledging it was purely down to his lack of foresight and awareness that had led to the Captain suffering as so. Aware that his superior was likely too overwhelmed to move any further under his own steam, the Lieutenant used a gentle hand on the Captain’s arm to guide him the remaining distance to the train – verbally instructing him to climb the stairs and take a seat once Havers had found a suitably empty carriage. Hoping this would offer the safety and discreetness the Captain deserved.

Now, they sat in the still silence of their cabin – the Captain had fallen into a fatigued sleep shortly after leaving the station; his head cushioned comfortably on the Lieutenant’s shoulder, hands loosely clasped around his crop, soft breaths sighed out on a wisp between lightly parted pink lips. It was a charming and delightful sight, if the Lieutenant were to be honest with himself.

William felt glad he’d thought to close the blinds upon entering the cabin, not that he felt any embarrassment or shame in their position – more that he wanted to keep this private; this perfect moment. Feeling the Captain’s weight rested against him soothed the protective urge which had been constantly rearing within him over the past few weeks, he felt like he finally had some control and could support the Captain. Only in the privacy of his own thoughts could he shyly accept that he rather liked having the Captain so physically close, feeling like he could protect him if anything were to come at them. It was nice. Calming. As if he’d finally found the missing puzzle piece that he’d been looking for.

Unfortunately, the Lieutenant’s contentment was nearing to an end as he recognised some of the passing farms rushing past the train window – it would soon be their stop. Reluctantly, he lifted a hand to tap on the Captain’s own, voice soft as he called to the other, “Sir? Sir? We’re here.”

Slowly fluttering his eyes open, a befuddled frown crossed the Captain’s expression as he blearily surveyed their surroundings – a silent moment passed before the Captain bodily jerked away from the Lieutenant, eyes wide and cheeks blooming bright with an embarrassed flush, “Havers! Forgive me, how improper!”

Frantically, the Captain brushed his uniform down – smoothing non-existent creases – immediately putting space between the pair as he stuttered over an apology, “How frightfully indecorous of me, I must apol-” abruptly cutting himself off, the Captain frowned a moment as if suddenly remembering something of great importance, before the colour in his cheeks deepened and a look of utter mortification overtook him, “Havers, I-I, I’m so sorry for earlier, I didn’t-”

“Stop apologising,” Havers replied kindly, “You never need to apologise to me for being yourself, or needing a little bit of extra help. Friends help and support each other, don’t they?”

Blinking, the Captain nodded jerkily, “Friends-? I, suppose they do, yes. T-thank you Havers.”

The Captain’s timid grateful smile caused a radiating warmth to blossom in the Lieutenant’s chest, determined to not consider why such a thing as that may be happening, Havers quirked a soft smile back, “We’re arriving at our station. Shall we gather our bags and prepare to disembark?”

Their arrival at their destination was a considerably (fortunately) more subdued one – they had no bodies to push between, nor was there a roar of noise to contend with upon stepping foot on the platform. Only a few scattered people were seated on the benches, evidently patiently waiting to welcome family home for the holidays. The walk to Violet’s home was a short but pleasing one, Havers commenting on the village residents, pointing out rural landmarks and educating the Captain on the local birdlife.

“I never knew you were an ornithologist Havers?”

“No, I’m just a simple birdwatcher, that’s all.”

The Captain’s responding indulgent smile was enough to keep his own lips curled, right up until they arrived before Violet’s door, when the Captain evidently had a minor - rather unexpected, Havers felt - breakdown.

“Wait-wait!” the Captain burst out, furiously straightening his uniform, smoothing his hair down and settling his expression into the same he held whenever new recruits entered the base.

“You don’t need to do that,” Havers stated softly, exasperation tinting his tone, “Just be yourself, Violet and the kids will love you. It’ll be fine.”

With this final word, he knocked upon the door, delighted to hear the squeals of the children inside as their rushing footsteps neared – the door thrown open as two small bodies barrelled into his own, arms wound tightly around his waist in an affectionate greeting.

“Uncle Will!” two voices chorused excitedly.

“Hello you two, when did you both get so big?” William grinned widely, dropping his satchel to lift Teddy onto his hip and grasp Rosie’s hand tightly, “One day you’re going to be too heavy for me to carry you know!”

“Not yet,” Teddy replied happily, wrapping his arms around his Uncle’s shoulders, “Merry Christmas Uncle!”

“Yes, Merry Christmas Uncle!” Rosie agreed brightly.

“Merry Christmas, now where’s your mother? I’d rather like to give her a big hug.”

“Following behind these two rascals, as always,” Violet replied warmly, drying her hands on a dishtowel as she neared the group – her hair was held in tight graceful ringlets curling around her face, her dress a fetching hue of blue, contrasting tastefully with the scarlet red of her lipstick. As children, the Havers siblings had always been described as being ‘almost twins’ with matching hair and eye colour – almost identical up until William’s growth spurt in his later teenage years.

“As always,” William repeated, smile wide as he carefully returned Teddy to the ground and moved forward to clasp his sister to him tightly, it had been less than a year since he’d last seen her in person, but the war made it feel years longer. Thank god he’d had the Captain by his side to keep him sane through the long months spent on base.

Pulling away from the comforting familiar embrace of his sister, William motioned towards the unmoving silent man of his thoughts, “This is the Captain. Sir, this is my dear sister Violet, my niece Rosie and nephew Teddy.”

“Pleasure to meet you ma’am,” the Captain stiffly greeted, hand raised to his forehead as he formally saluted, his back held ramrod straight and shoulders pushed back, “I must thank you for your gracious invitation.”

“You’ve nothing to thank me for, we’re more than happy to have you here with us,” Violet replied softly.

Turning to the children, the Captain offered a reserved handshake, “Master Edward and Miss Rosemary, it is lovely to make your acquaintances.”

Sharing a silent knowing look that only siblings can, the children turned to the Captain before wide smiles overtook their faces – each reaching out and grasping one of the Captain’s hands in their own, their voices overlapping each other as they fought for his attention, “Captain! You’ll help us cut down our Christmas tree, yes?”

Tutting, Rosie rolled her eyes theatrically at her brother’s request, “Teddy! Of course not! He’ll help us bake some carrot cake first, won’t you Captain?”

“Well, I-”

The Captain’s wary stunned response is lost to all as the children eagerly pull the Captain into the house, each animatedly detailing their Christmas traditions and how the Captain could be involved. William and Violet watch on in amusement with matching pleased smiles – William enchanted by the mix of determination and astonishment adorning the Captain’s face as he nods dumbly at each of the children’s questions and requests.

The warmth emanating in his chest is palpable once more, _third time today_ – he acknowledges, captivated by the scene before him. Everyone of importance in his life, were all together in one place – safe and happy. Any thoughts of the war forgotten in the rush of joy and familiarity. A stray daydream plays out in the Lieutenant’s head – of another life, another time, where this was all they had and no other outside concerns existed.

The fantasy vanishes when Violet sidles up to her brother, eyebrow raised playfully with her whispered comment of, “You never told me how handsome the Captain was, keeping that to yourself brother?”

“I can’t say I’ve noticed,” Havers responses airily, not falling to his sister’s bait as he ignored the knowing look his sister levelled at him, despite the pink colouring his cheeks.

“Is he always quite so… formal?”

Sighing, the Lieutenant finds his gaze drifting back to the Captain – still stiff-backed, crop held under one arm and chin raised, “He doesn’t mean to be. He’s just… It’s his way, what he always does when scoping out a new situation. He likes to evaluate new people, measure his responses and such.”

“Well, your dear Captain has no need to keep up appearances here – as you well know. I hope he’s able to relax soon, I’d rather like to get to know your Captain – maybe help him become a part of the family?”

Her words are phrased as an offhand suggestion, however William knows it is everything but – silently recognising Violet’s true intent. However, ‘careless talk costs lives’ and all that so he simply glances at her from the corners of his eyes before offering a soft nod.

“I think we’d better save the Captain from the children – they’ll have him directing a Nativity play at this rate,” Violet’s change of subject is appreciated as the pair move into the home, William both apprehensive and enthusiastic about the days to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the length of time it took to get this chapter out! Turns out I had more free time available when I was working full-time somehow.
> 
> I wanted to do a chapter from Haver's POV for a change, tell me what you think. I worry I don't have his character done very well, I certainly find it a lot more natural to write from the Captain's perspective.
> 
> Happy Hogmanay to my fellow Scots, and Happy New Year to all others! Lets hope 2021 is a million times better than 2020 was. <3


	7. Serves Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain had lost any concept of time and had been taken by surprise when Violet called them all to be seated for dinner.  
> Dinner, he hadn’t thought of that. Swallowing against the anxiety clambering up his throat.

The journey and eventual arrival at Violet’s home had been one full of conflicting, and rather draining, emotions for the Captain. First he’d had the sensory overload at the station, embarrassed himself quite considerably in front of the Lieutenant, been awestruck by the Lieutenant’s boundless kindness and lack of judgement, had then felt remarkably carefree during their walk of the village and then finally upon their arrival – unpleasantly tense and yet determined in his projecting of a suitable persona to match what Violet and the children may have presumed of him.

All-in-all it had been a long day, a very long day.

In the past three hours, he’d managed to uphold his military persona – his mental mantra playing on repeat within his mind whenever he felt himself flagging:

_Act normal, don’t let your oddities show and prove your worth._

Personally, he felt he’d done rather well as far. He’d helped to plan the construction of Master Edward’s ambitiously designed treehouse, aided Miss Rosemary in her carrot cake baking and had even offered to do some of the dusting within the family room so that Violet may have a short rest from her constant responsibilities. Naturally Violet had protested, but he’d argued that he was a born soldier and as such only felt at best when kept busy. She’d reluctantly allowed him to take over her cleaning duties, only once Havers had nodded along with the Captain’s self-assessment and added, “The Captain will only find other work to keep him busy.”

With all this effort expended, the Captain had lost any concept of time and had been taken by surprise when Violet called them all to be seated for dinner.

 _Dinner_ , he hadn’t thought of that. Swallowing against the anxiety clambering up his throat, he forced a polite smile as he took his offered seat at the dinner table.

Food had long been one of the Captain’s nemeses – excessively strong flavours resulting in barely concealed repulsion, repellent textures hastily consumed so as not to come over as discourteous to his host and worst of it all; foods touching. The concept alone caused a shiver to run down the Captain’s spine.

As a small boy, his mother had fondly catered to his fussiness – his father, on the other hand, permitted this quirk until the age of six then from there on would scowl at his son after deliberately mixing his food together and demanding he eat every single bite.

With a combination of practice, time and hunger – the Captain had fallen to his father’s demands, nails dug into his the soft flesh of his palms as he unwillingly ate all that his father ordered him to. His mother had always seemed crestfallen by this, yet had done little to challenge her husband and his cruel actions.

Upon leaving home and joining the army – the Captain had finally gained control over his diet once more. Finally, he could choose what he ate and how he ate it (meeting what military rations he was offered in the first place that was). It was a freedom and level of autonomy he was eternally grateful for.

On base at Button Manor, he’d become quite aware of the disapproving stares of the lower-ranking soldiers – once overhearing they thought him an ‘ungrateful toff’ for how selective he was with his food. They’d presumed he felt much of the food they ate was below his station, of how he’d been raised and the quality to which he was accustomed to. How far from wrong they were, but the Captain would not defend his position. He just remained silently delighted as he filled his plate with food items he would happily devour.

In the present, the Captain bit his tongue viciously as he watched Violet fill her children’s plates – a portion of spam fritters each, with a side of powdered egg and mushy peas. Independently, the Captain was quite happy to eat each of those – pushed together however? Good lord.

Steeling himself as he watched Violet reach for the Captain’s plate, he was overcome with unexpected bewilderment when Havers’ hand grasped it before Violet was able, softly commenting, “You serve yourself Violet, I’ll tend to the Captain’s and my own.”

The Captain watched in dazed awe as the Lieutenant carefully filled his plate – each food item placed specifically spaced from the other, a visible line break between them. When the plate was gently handed to him, the Captain felt overcome with fond appreciation for the other man. Havers had noticed? He was aware of the Captain’s preferences and even further, enabled them?

“T-thank you Havers,” he stuttered.

“You’re welcome,” was the Lieutenant’s easy reply, before he filled his own plate and commenced conversation with his nephew about his forthcoming treehouse.

Losing himself in the easy flow of conversation around him, the Captain hid a soft smile beneath his moustache as he gratefully ate the meal presented to him. All previous anxiety forgotten.

Towards the end of dinner, both the Captain and Lieutenant moved to clear the dishes – rapidly cut off by the children as they argued that was their chore and they were guests. As the children carefully lifted each dish and carried them to the sink basin for washing, the Captain lightly commented, “Such well-mannered children, you’ve raised them quite impressively.”

“Yes, she has,” Havers agreed smiling brightly at his sibling, “That really was a lovely meal Violet, thank you. It seems like so long since we’ve had anything that’s freshly prepared and not just reheated and thrown in your general direction.”

“You’re more than welcome, you two deserve a proper home-cooked hot meal. I’m always grateful to have access to fresh produce where we live, with growing children it’s always a concern they’re getting what they need. The war has just made it all that more challenging really. Still, shouldn’t complain – we’re so lucky to have what we have.”

Forever gracious as Violet was – unease tickled at the Captain as he considered how his plating may have come over as unappreciative or even disrespectful. Violet had enough to worry about with feeding two young children on limited rations, never mind catering to the Captain’s awkward whims for the duration of his stay.

Deciding that now was as good as time as any to present his offerings, the Captain uttered a quick ‘excuse me’ before hurrying to where his bag was laid – carefully reaching in and retrieving his meagre contributions. Shyly, he held the ration vouchers out to Violet, hand extended awkwardly as he uncomfortably cleared his throat, eyes unable to make contact with either of the siblings.

“It’s not much, but I hope it might help a little during my stay – I shouldn’t like to cause you or the children to have any less food than you deserve,” still unwilling to avert his gaze from the painting to the left of Violet’s head, the Captain straightened his spine determinedly – he would not be a burden to this family, he would present some value however little.

When the silence dragged on a few more moments, the rations not yet taken from his grasp – the Captain worried he’d instead come over as impertinent, maybe his offer could be construed as a bribe? Paying her for her hospitality? Like she were some common tavern maid? Lord, this had been a dreadful idea.

Suddenly, Master Edward’s high-pitched boyish voice exclaimed, “Gosh! You must not have eaten for a long time sir!”

“No, no he hasn’t.”

Havers’ accusatory voice jolted the Captain from his self-condemnation, eyes darting to take in the other’s expression – the Lieutenant’s lips were pressed in a firm displeased line, a frown marring his usual soft features. He had come over as discourteous, hadn’t he? And now he’d offended Havers too.

Grinding his teeth together, the Captain dropped his gaze to the floor feeling his cheeks burn with shame as he began to lower his arm – completely uncertain how to best apologise for his impropriate actions, and hope they might let him at least let him stay the night before sending him back to the base.

“Thank you,” Violet’s voice cut through his thoughts, “That’s… Incredibly kind, and sweet, of you. I-I really don’t know what to say. You… You must have been starving to save up this amount?”

Reaching forward, Violet carefully took the proffered rations from the Captain’s loose grip, her smile was warm as she held them to her chest with both hands.

“Well, it’s much better the children have them,” he shrugged his shoulders dismissively, still acutely aware of his Lieutenant’s upset expression to his left, “I don’t really need much – there are others much more deserving of course.”

“I’m not quite sure that’s true,” Violet softly uttered before reaching for one of the Captain’s hands and clasping it tightly between her own, “Thank you, this… Means a lot to us.”

“Shall I show you to your room sir? I fear it’s getting rather late, the children will be nearing their bedtime,” Havers’ stated, tone not quite commanding but clearly an order to be followed nonetheless.

Nodding and picking up his overnight bag, the Captain reluctantly followed after his Lieutenant as he was led to a side room leading off from family room – after entering, the Lieutenant closed the door behind the pair with a soft click.

Aware he ought to apologise, the Captain opened his mouth in preparation but was beaten to the punch by Havers’ steady tenor, “Captain, please be honest with me. Just how long have you been saving your rations?”

Realising that any lies or side-stepping of the truth may put him in a worst position than he currently resided, the Captain admitted he’d begun collecting them from the day of Violet’s invitation. The answer seemed to be the wrong one, as the Lieutenant lifted a hand to his face – first simply covering his eyes a moment as he breathed deeply, before dragging it down as if he were world-weary and the Captain had drained him of all energy. What an awful thought.

“Do you-” breathing firmly out, the Lieutenant shook his head before raising it to match gazes with the Captain, “Do you have any idea how frightened I was? To see you starving yourself? I thought you were unwell… I was so worried…”

Frightened? Worried? Havers thought him ill?

The Captain was sure no one would even notice; if not even rejoice from his lack of presence at meal times. But concern? The Captain had no idea how to react to such an idea. Havers’ kindness after his _episode_ this morning had been perplexing enough, but now he’d been worrying at the Captain’s lack of eating?

It became clear to the Captain then – just how much the Lieutenant truly did care for him. A foreign concept, for sure. While he delighted in their friendship, in every moment spent together – the Captain had presumed it would eventually, inevitably, come to an end. He’d likely do something to irritate the other man, say something that irked him or treat him unfairly. He’d known he felt a lot more in their friendship than the Lieutenant did, and he had come to terms with that. The Lieutenant had many friends, a family – obviously the Captain was of much lesser importance to him than others would be. Havers, meanwhile, meant the whole world to the Captain. And that’s just how it was. How it had always been since their first meeting.

But now? Now everything he’d believed, all his assumptions, were turned upside on their head.

Guilt gnawed at his insides as he measured the Lieutenant’s devastated expression, “Havers-… William,” the Lieutenant’s whole body jerked at the use of his first name, “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t think. No one’s ever really cared about me, personally, before. No one’s ever noticed if I’m eating, or not. No one’s ever really willingly spent enough time with me to be aware of my actions. I… I am sorry.”

His admittance felt like he’d exposed a part of himself he’d kept hidden his entire adult life; he felt frayed and vulnerable. The Lieutenant had seen all parts of the Captain now, quirks, oddities and all. He huffed a frustrated sigh when he felt his cheeks redden, clearing his throat to fill the following silence as Havers pondered over his words.

Slowly, the Lieutenant’s expression softened – a smile curling gently at the corners of his lips, his chocolate gaze returning with its usual warmth, “I think I should like it if you were to call me William from now on. When we’re not on duty of course.”

“That-that could be arranged,” the Captain replied, smiling bashfully as he ducked his head reaching for his overnight bag by his feet, unable to continue such talks of a personal nature anymore.

“Now, where shall I be sleeping?” the Captain queried, glancing around the room they stood within – idly noting only one single bed resided within the space.

“You’ll be here, I’ll be taking the couch.”

“Good lord man! I can’t do that! It’s your family’s home! I think it better I take the couch and you here,” the Captain corrected, resolute despite being well aware the couch would likely play havoc on his joints.

“No, it’s already been decided sir,” Havers shook his head, single finger raised and waggled in disagreement to the Captain’s words, “This is the quietest room in the house – the children know never to enter also. You’ll have this whenever you need some time to yourself. And anyway, I rather like the couch – I’ve spent many a night on it and find it rather cosy.”

“But I-”

“Please, accept it sir. Take it as thanks for your generous gift of the rations.”

Staring at his Lieutenant, the Captain felt his heart thump steadily against his breastbone at the knowledge Havers had thought to give him his own quiet space for the duration of his stay. Again, he realised that the Lieutenant knew him as no other ever had.

“Thank you,” he stated softly.

“You’re welcome,” William smiled tenderly, “I’ll see you in the morning, I expect Teddy will have us traipsing through the entire forest in the search for his perfect Christmas tree.”

As William opened the door and let himself out, he uttered softly, “Good night.”

“Good night… William.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, major thanks goes to Wheels - his wonderful headcanon-ing and ideas helped construct this chapter and his beta-reading is always deeply appreciated.
> 
> Next, again sorry for length of time to post. This xmas story will be finished long after xmas... whoops. 
> 
> As always, comments extremely appreciated - it genuinely does make me smile and glow from the inside. <3


	8. Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A grand choice Master Edward,” the Captain congratulated as he bounced in place, rocking on his heels, “Nice overall symmetry, spacing of the branches is good, overall alinement is-” here the Captain held his crop vertically, holding it before the trunk and squinting as he scrutinised the tree’s form, “Most suitable! I’d say our objective has been achieved successfully.”

Blinking awake to the soft sound of padding feet rushing past his bedroom door, the Captain pushed himself up to a seated position as he groggily became aware of his surroundings.

He’d had a wonderful night’s sleep, he realised in slow appreciation as he turned his gaze to the closed curtains tinted golden by the morning light. For once not having to contend with the sound of bantering men or drunken singing poorly muffled from the floor below his quarters.

He genuinely felt well rested, refreshed even. He’d rather forgotten how pleasant a full night’s sleep could be. The sudden urge to run a few laps tickled at him – perhaps he could challenge his current personal best, maybe he’d finally achieve that 2:29?

A stifled giggle derailed that train of thought as he heard the rush of small scampering feet once more. Deciding to change into his uniform and greet the day with a renewed optimism, the Captain leapt out of his bed and made himself and his accommodations presentable for the day.

Upon leaving his temporary dormitory, he was deeply amused to catch Teddy theatrically tip-toeing past his Uncle where he slept soundly on the family room couch. The boy in question grinned widely when he spotted the Captain, grasping his large hand in both of his little ones and dragging him eagerly to the kitchen – away from the slumbering Lieutenant.

“Cap! You’re up! Now we just have to wait for Uncle and we can go, right Mum?”

Sighing with fond exasperation, Violet winked at the Captain as she dried her hands on a dish towel – the Captain had noted the dish towel didn’t seem to often leave her grasp; a mother kept busy full-time cleaning up after young, adventurous children, “Teddy, let the Captain have his breakfast first would you? Your Uncle will wake up when he’s ready, he’s off duty so let him rest.”

“Would you like a tea Captain?” Rosemary politely enquired as she carefully filled the teapot from the boiled kettle, her innate generous attitude evidently gained from her mother.

“Yes thank you Miss Rosemary that would be lovely. I must say, your dress is quite fetching,” he commented, watching the young girl blush in gratitude as she poured the soldier a cup – the Captain accepting it appreciatively.

“Can I cook you anything for breakfast? With the ration vouchers you kindly gave us, we can be a bit more relaxed in our meal choices,” Violet smiled, “Also, I must admit – after weeks of you eating so little, it would make me happy to see you enjoy some fresh food.”

“J-just toast please.”

“Butter? We have some sausages and some more powdered egg if you wish?” Violet suggested, apparently equally as stubborn as her brother and unwilling to let the Captain take as little as possible.

“Jam, if you have any? J-just on the side, thank you,” a blush tinged his cheeks as he averted his gaze away, hoping his oddity wouldn’t be misconstrued as disrespect.

“Of course,” Violet agreed readily, seemingly (thankfully) nonplussed about his request.

“Mummmmm, can I wake Uncle up now? It’s getting late!” Teddy whined from the Captain’s side, pout exaggerated as he bounced fretfully on the spot.

“Teddy, let him rest!”

“It’s quite alright Violet,” the Captain smiled, something that surprised him at the ease with which it had come to his lips, “The Lieutenant rather sleeps like a log; long used to sleeping through the rowdy noise of the troops. If we don’t wake him, I’d wager he would likely sleep past noon given half a chance.”

“ _NOON_!”

“Teddy, shush!” Violet reprimanded, before turning to cock an inquisitive eyebrow at the Captain – as if what he’d just said expressed more than he’d intended it to. No matter.

“I say Master Edward,” the Captain tilted his head enquiringly at the distressed boy, “Why don’t we take your Uncle a nice cup of tea? That might help bring him from the land of slumber, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes! Rosie, can you make a cup of tea for Uncle please?” Teddy pleaded, delicately grasping the offered cup of tea as if it were a golden chalice as he led the way towards where the Lieutenant still lay asleep.

Gently, the Captain rested a hand upon the Lieutenant’s shoulder and shook him lightly awake, unable to prevent the smile overtaking his face or the growing warmth in his chest as Havers’ coffee-coloured gaze fluttered open to catch his own, “Rise and shine Havers! There’s a schedule to keep. Young Master Edward is eager to begin the day.”

“Of course,” Havers agreed, voice pleasantly raspy from his slumber – a tone the Captain found himself rather drawn to and would be keen to hear more of, “Have you been waiting long?”

“No Uncle, here’s some tea,” Teddy enthused, carefully handling the morning elixir to the blear-eyed soldier, before rushing back through to the kitchen to excitedly tell his mother that his uncle was awake and they could leave soon – an action the Captain surveyed with considerable amusement.

“You’re smiling,” Havers noted softly, “It’s nice to see.”

Aware his cheeks must have been burning red from Havers’ remark, the Captain ducked his head bashfully as he cleared his throat, “Yes well, I must say I’m finding Master Edward quite delightful.”

“I knew you would, I can tell they all like you a lot too,” Havers agreed, bringing himself to a fully seated position as he took a long sip of his tea, “Please tell them I’ll be a few minutes, I’ll prepare myself for the day.”

“Of course.”

After relaying the Lieutenant’s message, the Captain sat down to enjoy his own tea (and toast, with jam carefully placed to one side – Violet seemed to share her brother’s skills of observation also it seemed) as the two children squabbled over who would put the angel upon the tree later this evening.

“What’s all this arguing?” Havers demanded lightly as he ruffled Teddy’s hair affectionately in passing, uniform abandoned as he entered the kitchen wearing a comfortable pale blue shirt tucked into beige tweeds, “That sort of behaviour won’t lead to Christmas tree picking will it?”

“No Uncle,” the children chorused, obediently ending their argument as they took their seats at the table while Violet served her brother powdered eggs and sausages.

The Captain forced himself to redirect his eyes when he realised he’d been staring a little too long at the Lieutenant’s civilian look – it was charming, _attractive_ dare he admit it to himself; the shirt emphasising the soldier’s wide shoulders and slim waist.

“So you’ve chosen which tree we’re to cut?” Havers enquired of his nephew.

“Yes!” Teddy cheered enthusiastically, bouncing in his seat, “I know exactly which one is the best. It’s only a half hour’s walk from here. I made a map to help us. You’ll be helping us too Cap, right?”

“I-if you’d like me too,” the Captain stuttered, warmth abruptly filling him at the sensation of being included – of being a part of something that was personal to this family – gaze studiously focussed on the piece of paper held within Teddy’s grasp, unaware of the bright smile adorning the Lieutenant’s expression, “May I see your map?”

After being handed Master Edward’s detailed map and examining each line, the Captain nodded firmly in approval, “Jolly good Master Edward, I think it best you be Commanding Officer for our operation today – what are your orders?”

Squealing elatedly Teddy clapped his hands, “Find the tree, cut it down and bring it home!”

“I think we should write a battle plan for our operation, don’t you think?” the Captain suggested, sharing Teddy’s infectious smile as the boy grabbed some spare paper and began to scribble down each of the Captain’s listed objectives.

Again unaware of the Lieutenant’s heavy tender gaze, nor the shared look of acknowledgement between the adult siblings as Havers’ cheeks coloured and Violet’s eyebrow lifted challengingly.

Half an hour later found the family traipsing through the woods on the Lord’s estate; lucky to have a clear and sunny, albeit relatively icy-cold, day – the Captain and Teddy keeping point up front, both bounding along in their enthusiasm.

Crop held firmly beneath his arm, the Captain marched alongside Master Edward – breathing deep the fresh countryside air, and basking in the little warmth the sun presented so deep into winter. The hike had been exactly what he’d be looking for; the pull and strain of his working muscles satisfying as he ducked beneath low-hanging branches and vaulted over collapsed trunks. Now solely focused upon their operation, and ignoring any other concerns.

Such as the dismayed groan of Miss Rosemary, as she, her mother and her uncle followed behind them struggling to keep pace as they clambered over or around obstacles.

“Mum, it’s 9 in the morning,” Rosie whined exhaustedly, as she brushed dirt off her dress.

“I know darling,” Violet sympathised, as she turned to watch her still-not-entirely-awake brother determinedly drag the biggest axe they owned over a fallen tree, tugging with great effort as it finally bounced over, “Why do I feel like Teddy has a partner in crime now?”

“I knew they’d get on. Both have a one-track mind,” the Lieutenant paused as he hefted the axe over a rabbit hole, deliberately ignoring his sister’s resulting smirk, “Though I may be regretting the offer of being lumberjack for the day.”

Up ahead, Teddy began sprinting at full speed once he spotted his specially selected tree – the Captain joining him with ease as his long legs held in his favour, “I say Master Edward! What a splendid choice!”

Stopping before Teddy’s tree, the Captain visually compared it to its neighbours – mentally agreeing that Teddy did indeed have an eye for perfection.

With use of his crop as a standard measurement, the Captain began analysing the length of each branch – ensuring each were of a suitable size to meet their requirements. Each would need to be strong enough to take the weight of many decorations after all. The remaining trio joined them during his thorough examination, Havers smiling adoringly as he watched the Captain bounce around the tree remarking on every element of it – Teddy echoing each statement animatedly.

“A grand choice Master Edward,” the Captain congratulated as he bounced in place, rocking on his heels, “Nice overall symmetry, spacing of the branches is good, overall alinement is-” here the Captain held his crop vertically, holding it before the trunk and squinting as he scrutinised the tree’s form, “Most suitable! I’d say our objective has been achieved successfully.”

“I told you it was the best tree in the forest Mum!” Teddy struck a pose, closed fists resting on his hips radiating the authority he had been gifted that morning.

“And you were quite right darling,” Violet agreed benevolently, “You’ve been an excellent Commanding Officer.”

Nodding in concurrence, the Captain circled the tree before tapping against the trunk near the ground, “A good chop here should do the job!” using his hand to mime the movement of the axe, he uttered cheerfully, “Pop pop!”

“Pop pop!” Teddy repeated as he copied the Captain’s movement.

“Oh he’s so cute! And I don’t mean my child,” Violet whispered to her brother, grinning as he rolled his eyes at her and moved forward to take position to begin chopping Teddy’s tree – waiting until the others had moved outwith its trajectory. The Captain standing to attention a few meters from the Lieutenant.

“Now William, with a shaft of this girth – the trick is firm blows!”

Violet’s abrupt snorting laughter drowned out the sound of Havers’ stumbling as he nearly dropped the axe upon his own two feet – the children blissfully unaware of the adult’s shock as they watched on curiously.

“Everything quite alright Lieutenant?” the Captain queried, frowning in confusion as he watched Havers’ cheeks burn brightly as he dragged a palm across his face in an attempt to settle his racing heart. Indistinct images he was nowhere ready to acknowledge briefly flashed through his mind. The Captain’s boundless naivety and cluelessness would certainly be the death of him.

“Yes, quite fine,” he replied, glowering fiercely at his sister as she sniggered uncontrollably into the back of her hand – deciding to ignore her hilarity as he swung the first blow.

“Did I say something wrong?” the Captain anxiously enquired Violet as they waited to the side, watching Havers hack away at the thick trunk.

“No no, not at all. It’s just a- family joke, from when we were children,” Violet soothed kindly, “Nothing to worry about.”

Nodding, but still uneasy, the Captain returned his gaze to the Lieutenant – instantly distracted as his eyes caught on the bulging of his biceps as he swung the axe with his full force. Trailing his eyes up towards William’s face, he noted the gathering sweat at his brow, spying it slowly sliding down his neck to disappear under his collar.

Pausing in his work, the Lieutenant removed his overcoat – passing it to Teddy with a smile, who happily bundled it in his arms as he ran back to stand beside his sister. Deciding he’d need as much range as he could get, Havers then moved to unbutton his shirt cuffs and roll his sleeves up to his elbows before resuming his chopping.

“Everything alright Captain?”

Lost as he was watching the repetitive movement and straining of William’s biceps and forearms, the Captain was unable to bring a response to his lips as he cleared his throat – suddenly feeling rather hot under the collar, despite the surrounding near freezing temperature.

“Yes, I-” watching William’s shoulders expand and bunch - muscles clenched with the lift of the heavy axe, the Captain trailed off into a stutter; eyes eagerly following the heaving of William’s chest as his fitted shirt did little to hide the definition of his upper arms with each swing.

Clearing his throat once more, the Captain (reluctantly) dragged his stare away from the Lieutenant, instead turning to acknowledge Violet and her wide smirk, “Yes, just ensuring all goes well. Can’t have the Lieutenant gaining an injury after all.”

“No, we certainly can’t have that – best you keep an eye on him a little longer, until he’s finished I should think,” Violet responded, her tone thick as her lips wobbled in place as if restraining herself from saying more, her eyes bright with what looked like mirth. What she found amusing the Captain couldn’t say, another one of those family inside jokes he supposed.

Moving to supervise Havers once more, he felt a wave of prickling heat roll through his body as he watched the Lieutenant lift the axe up once more with remarkable strength and swing it down for one final blow. _My, Havers is strong_ , the Captain mused in a distracted manner, _those rather… impressive muscles had certainly been well hidden under his military uniform, hadn’t they? Quite the proper soldier._

Muttering a low, “Good lord,” as the Captain resurfaced from his inappropriate thoughts, he swallowed against the unfamiliar stirrings building low in his stomach.

Deciding it to be in his best interests to disregard the sensation; he straightened his stance – saluting formally as the tree rumbled in its place and gradually began its descent to the forest floor, declaring “For King and Country!” as the children cheered in the background.

With the tree finally defeated, the Lieutenant returned to where his family stood – forearm wiping futilely at the sweat accumulated on his brow, “I don’t suppose any of you brought a tractor and trailer for us to get this back home?”

Adorably ignorant of his Uncle’s sardonic tone, Teddy bounced up and happily announced, “No Uncle!”

“Will it even fit in the house?” Violet wondered idly as she walked the length of the tree – mentally calculating the size of it versus the height of her ceiling, “We’ve never had a tree of this size before…”

With a firm decisive bounce on his heels, the Captain raised his chin and set his features against the next trial set before them, “Nothing to worry about Violet. We’ll work as a unit to bring the tree to your home, won’t we?” he tilted his head to the children waiting patiently at their side, quirking his lips at their answering affirming shouts, “Master Edward, as Commanding Officer how do you feel we should approach this challenge?”

Brow furrowed with intense concentration, the family waited patiently as Teddy considered the next stage of his strategy, “Uncle, you take point because you’re the strongest. Captain, you take the tail since you’re the next strongest. Me, Rosie and Mum can take the middle. Is that good?”

“Excellent Master Edward, but we must consider the axe also,” the Captain added.

“Just leave it here. No one comes out this way,” Violet waved it away dismissively, a deliberating expression then settling upon her features, “…How about you both collect it tomorrow? You could go for a walk, just the pair of you, all alone, while the children and I plan Christmas dinner?”

An embarrassed flush immediately took to her brother’s face as he made threatening slashing motions across his neck outside the Captain’s line of vision. The Captain, however, offered a sweetly oblivious nod at her suggestion, “Jolly good.”

Beaming openly as her ingenious (if she did say so herself) match-making plans were coming into fruition; Violet motioned for them each to take their prearranged position around the tree in order to begin the long haul back to the cottage.

The quick thirty minute hike to the tree had become an hour’s return exercise in weight lifting and dragging; the Captain fulfilling his title outstandingly as he regularly shouted encouragements for them all, including declaring that without the help of the children – the adults would likely have given up long ago. This suggestion caused the children’s expressions to brighten in pride as they in turn urged the adults to keep pushing forward, determined to have their perfect Christmas tree on show. (“He’s right though,” Rosie had added, blinking innocently at her Uncle, “Without us you’d still be stuck in the forest.” She rather took after her mother in the sarcasm and sardonic department a bit too much William mulled wearily.)

Later, as the family sat around the dining table merrily munching upon their well-earned lunches – the Lieutenant in particular consuming a large amount to combat the energy exerted that morning alone, Violet observed the Captain seated to her right, “You’ve very good with children you know.”

Jolting with surprise at Violet’s unexpected statement, the Captain pursed his lips in consideration as he pondered over her words, “I can’t say I’ve ever noticed. I haven’t been around many children really,” he admitted, tone momentarily melancholy before being swiftly hidden behind a forced throat clearing, “The military’s no place for children of course.”

“Nonetheless, you are.”

Unsure how to respond, the Captain elected to keep quiet – timidly aware of the long soft stare the Lieutenant was giving him from across the table. In just under 48 hours, it had felt like their entire relationship – _friendship_ , had developed into something else. Something new and exciting. Spending time with his family, eating with them, laughing with them; it was a phenomenon completely foreign to him. To be welcome, to be included, to be _wanted_. Being with William for so much time, so consistently, felt wonderful. He hadn’t dared to dream he’d ever have someone that he felt this close to. And to have someone who accepted him as is without question or assumption. Somehow the Captain’s peculiarities and his continual social faux pas’ still hadn’t put the Lieutenant off their friendship. It was a wonder, really.

With this awareness, the Captain felt his spirits lift in contentment – the carefree feeling following him through the afternoon, as he and Havers dragged the tree inside the cottage (well mostly Havers but the Captain’s precise directions were solely needed) and set it standing proudly within the family room. Violet had sighed with great relief when it did in fact fit comfortably beneath the ceiling.

Squinting critically with his head tilted, the Captain waved his crop to the side in a demonstrative motion, “A little to left I should think Lieutenant.”

Restraining a groan, the Lieutenant followed the Captain’s orders as the man in question scrutinised the position of the tree with a judgemental eye, “Yes there, now push it forward… say 15 degrees?”

Despite the exhaustion tugging at his mind and body, Havers felt himself smile indulgently as he obeyed the Captain’s instructions without question – the Captain’s propensity to be meticulous and exact was, undeniably, one of the many aspects of the man the Lieutenant admired. Certainly a job was never half done when the Captain was involved. It helped that the Captain tended to be more relaxed, more himself, when he was focussing on achieving perfection in his task. The Lieutenant preferred to see the Captain as himself, not pulling up his usual façade.

“Jolly good William.”

He hadn’t yet got fully accustomed to the Captain using his first name yet either, each time he said it – it still sent a little shiver tingling down his spine. His sister’s meaningful side eye deliberately ignored as she entered the room clutching their box of Christmas decorations, the children clambering to grab an ornament each and hang it upon the tree.

As Violet moved to place one of the ornaments higher on the tree at Teddy’s instructions, the Captain stepped forward and slipped the ornament from her grasp, “No no, I fear you’ve done enough for the day Violet. William and I can help the children with the decorations, why don’t you sit down and enjoy a cup of tea and a rest?”

Smiling and grateful to have someone else manage the balls of energy that were her offspring, Violet acquiesced, boiling herself a cup of tea and taking a seat on the couch as she watched the two men obediently arrange Christmas ornaments on the branches chosen by Teddy and Rosie.

“Cap! Put this one there please!”

“Here?”

“No no, next branch up-yes there!”

“I fear this section of the tree is getting rather laden with ornaments Master Edward, shall we try decorating another part?”

“If you say so.”

As the afternoon rolled on, the energy within William was clearly withering as he followed both the orders of his young kin and his Captain – the silver-haired man seemingly finding great pleasure in arranging the decorations in a most fastidious manner.

When Teddy proudly presented his messy collection of baubles, all jumbled together in one corner of the tree, both Violet and William watched in great amusement as both the Captain’s eye and his moustache twitched in discomfort – a beat of silence followed before he offered a genuine smile and congratulated the boy on his arrangement.

Violet had presumed the Captain would be nearing the end of his energy, much like her brother but was promptly proven wrong once the paper chains were produced – a bright smile filling the Captain’s face as he set to straightening each chain diligently.

“I must admit, it’s been a rather long time since I’ve hung paper chains,” the Captain confessed, tone light as he directed the Lieutenant with a wave of his crop on which corner to pin the end at, “Seems a bally shame. I shall have to make some of my own- ah just there William, perfect! Just like that – lovely loops, don’t you think?”

Moving on from the paper chains, the Captain bounced along with the children as they lay pinecones on the window sills and other little festive touches – the trio quite happy to do their own thing as William finally allowed himself to slump down next to his sister on the couch. He seemed quite unaware of the soft smile playing at his lips as he watched the Captain spring along with the children; a completely smitten smile if Violet had to describe it in words.

“You’ve chosen well,” Violet whispered, smiling at the blush her statement caused to blossom on her brother’s cheeks – even as a man in his late thirties she could still embarrass him like she did when they were teenagers, as if they were discussing their first crushes once more, “He’s a wonderful man. Genuine, sweet, intelligent and obviously cares deeply for others before himself.”

“You approve then?” William returned in a similarly whispering tone, eyes still caught on the subject of their conversation.

Humming as if in deep thought, Violet nudged her brother’s shoulder in jest, “Of course I approve, greatly if I’m honest. Don’t think I’m going to stop teasing you though – you’re too easy to embarrass.”

The siblings shared a secret smile as William returned the nudge, rolling his eyes at his sister good-naturedly, “Oh hush you!”

The Captain, Teddy and Rosie approached the seated pair – wide smiles on each of their faces, “Mum! It’s time to put the angel on the tree!” Rosie announced excitedly, “We agreed it would be me, since Teddy got to do it last year.”

“That’s very fair of you both,” Violet commented, proud of her children and their ability to be reasonable despite being of such young age. She’s not entirely sure her and William were quite so charitable to each other at their age. More the opposite.

Running to collect the angel from the Christmas box, Rosie clutched it daintily to her chest before rushing to the Captain’s side, “Captain, will you lift me up so I can put the angel on the tree?”

Instantly flustered at the young girl’s request, the Captain stuttered over his reply, “I-I’m not sure that would be most proper Miss Rosemary. I’d think it better if your Uncle were to do it?”

“But I want you to do it, _please_?”

Glancing away from Rosie’s begging gaze, the Captain wrung his crop between his hands anxiously seeking Violet and William’s guidance on the matter – unconsciously searching for the Lieutenant’s support whenever he feels unsure of whether he is committing another social misstep.

“I think that would be a great idea,” Havers nodded, offering the Captain one of his comforting smiles to reassure him, “You’ve done such a great job with the rest of the decorating, it only seems right.”

Blinking furiously against the moisture building in his eyes ( _damned allergies_ ), the Captain accepted the prodigious duty he had been gifted – kneeling before young Rosemary with slight difficulty, “Miss Rosemary, I would be happy to have the honour of helping you put the angel upon the tree.”

Giggling at the Captain’s seriousness, Rosie held the angel aloft as the Captain carefully clasped her around the waist and lifted her high – the other adults in the room tactfully ignoring the loud crack of his ageing knees as he moved to standing. Delicately placing the angel upon the top of the tree, Rosie looked over his shoulder to the Captain in askance, “How does she look?”

“Fabulous, dare I say it!”

The family clapped as one once Rosie was returned to the ground, Teddy happily pronouncing that this was the “bestest tree ever” while Violet took the hands of both children and guided them through to the kitchen to help with the cooking of dinner; keen to give the men some welcome privacy.

After carefully seating himself by Havers, the Captain felt unable to prevent the delighted grin bursting from within him, “I say William! What a day it’s been!” he accounted as if William hadn’t been present the entire time, “Scouring for the ideal tree – Master Edward rather does have an excellent eye – chopping it down and bringing it all that distance back here. Baubles, pinecones and paper chains! Doesn’t it all just look perfect?”

“It does,” William agreed, not even bothering to hide his adoring smile as he stared openly at the man beside him, the Captain practically vibrating in his excitement, “You’ve helped make it perfect.”

“I’ve done what I can,” the Captain conceded bashfully, “This really was a wonderful day William – I’d wager this was the most fun I’ve had in a long time!”

The Captain’s gaze seemed to go distant for a moment as he frowned, uttering softly to himself as if he’d just come to a startling realisation and was unaware his words were spoken aloud, “-As long as I can remember…”

Heart lurching at the Captain’s softly spoken admittance, the Lieutenant nudged his shoulder affectionately against the Captain’s – a mirror of the same action done to his sister not half an hour before, “I’m glad you’re here with us. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

Of that, William was certain. No one could light up a room half as well as the Captain could. No one could cause the Lieutenant’s heart to race like the Captain did. No one else was even close to being the wonder the Captain was.

Cheeks aflame, the Captain shyly darted a glance from the corners of his eyes – catching the Lieutenant’s gaze in a shared silent moment before he compulsively cleared his throat, crop held tightly between his two fists as they rested upon his knees, “I’m glad I’m here too,” he disclosed quietly.

As the minutes tick by, a comfortable silence falls upon the men; the animated voices of the children and their humouring mother filtering through the house. The clinking sounds of cutlery and dishes being set echo, highlighting the sense of comfort and homeliness that blanket the couple.

Havers carefully allowed his thigh to rest lightly against the Captain’s, as, without a single word spoken, the Captain shyly lets his shoulder lean against the Lieutenant’s in return. A bashful smile pulling at both their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the wait, but hey! My longest chapter yet! Took me many re-drafts before I was happy with the finished edit.
> 
> Much thanks to Wheels for some of the excellent lines of dialogue and helping me bring the ideas together. <3
> 
> I attempted to go down a more light-hearted and comedic route this chapter, less of the whump - not sure how well it turned out?
> 
> Thank you for the continuing kudos and comments~


	9. Stockings and Carols

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dressing in his uniform and making his bed with a tiny smile hidden beneath his moustache, the Captain exited his room to be greeted by the utterly charming site of William deep in slumber once more. He was, admittedly, particularly alluring when asleep – dark chocolate hair attractively ruffled against his pillow, long dark eyelashes fluttering against soft cheeks, while his chest rose and fell with each soft snore.

Having woken up to a sense of comfort and safety the Captain hadn’t felt in a disconcertingly long time; he’d permitted himself a rare few extra minutes of laying down – cosy and tranquil as he relished the early morning serenity of living so far into the countryside. The heavy soothing weight of the blanket along with the plush softness of the mattress had temptingly lulled him towards a second doze. His thoughts had been slow and lazy, nothing immediately concerning him or jarring him to take to his feet as they typically would when serving on base. It was completely foreign to him; this notion of security, the lack of need to immediately take to his duties and maintain command. He hadn’t quite realised how tightly he’d been holding himself, day to day. The absence of his routine had been both unsettling and freeing. Fundamentally he enjoyed his routines, his schedule – the organisation of his day prevented uncertainties from arising, it centred himself in his role and his duty. But the lack of expectation, the awareness that he had no idea what the day would bring; instead of apprehension, the Captain noted with increasing disbelief, excitement blossomed. He found himself looking forward to a day spent in the company of people who seemed to not entirely dislike his presence. He savoured every moment spent with William; a familiarity and connection with another soul he’d not yet experienced his entire life.

Dressing in his uniform and making his bed with a tiny smile hidden beneath his moustache, the Captain exited his room to be greeted by the utterly charming site of William deep in slumber once more. He was, admittedly, particularly alluring when asleep – dark chocolate hair attractively ruffled against his pillow, long dark eyelashes fluttering against soft cheeks, while his chest rose and fell with each soft snore.

From the kitchen Teddy peeked through grinning widely as he scurried to his Uncle’s side – evidently intending to wake the man so they may begin the day’s activities but before the Captain was entirely aware of his own actions, he had lightly clasped Teddy’s shoulder to stop him moving any closer to the slumbering soldier.

“I say Master Edward, shall we let him sleep?” the Captain whispered, smiling encouragingly at the perplexed child, “He worked rather hard yesterday, he’s earned a good rest I’d say.”

Blinking and inquisitively tilting his head as he watched his Uncle in repose while considering the Captain’s proposal, Teddy eventually nodded his compliance before turning on his toes and skipping back through to the kitchen under the watchful eye of his mother.

Again, without conscious thought – and wasn’t this becoming a tad alarming? – the Captain moved to gently pull the thick wool blanket further up the Lieutenant’s shoulders, his eyes drawn to the man’s peaceful expression in his rest. Submitting to the urge to tenderly brush a loose hair off his forehead and away from William’s eyes, the Captain allowed his fingertips to softly graze the other man’s cheek as he carefully withdrew.

Unbeknownst to him, Violet watched hidden at the doorway – delighted to see her brother being cared for and watched over as he deserved. Feeling that her brother may finally have found the perfect romance he dreamt wistfully of in their teenage years.

Knowing the Lieutenant would likely appreciate a cup of tea upon waking, the Captain made his way to join the rest of the family - surprised when he entered to find a plate of dry toast with jam to the side already waiting for him as Violet smiled softly and casually dried her hands on her gingham dishtowel. The Captain had begun likening Violet’s dishtowel to his crop – never far from his reach and useful in most situations.

“Thank you Violet, most kind of you.”

“A pleasure.”

On taking his seat and starting at his toast, Teddy – who’d been impatiently squirming in his own seat – burst in excitedly discussing his theories on what Father Christmas was likely up to at the current time, “He’ll be making our presents right now!”

“I shouldn’t think so Master Edward, that’s the job of his helpers. I imagine he’ll be laying out his travel plans for tonight – he certainly has a lot of ground to cover in a very short time,” the Captain noted, as he evenly spread his jam across his toast from corner-to-corner; perfect, as it should be.

Eyes widened in amazement, Teddy bounced lightly, “I didn’t think of that! Gosh, how does he go ‘round the entire world Captain?”

“State secret I believe,” the Captain replied with ease, unperturbed by the boys’ challenging query, “We must all be careful what we say in this war – can’t let Jerry know what we’ve got up our sleeves! I imagine it’s much the same for Mister Kris Kringle.”

Teddy’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ as he sat aghast at the Captain’s explanation, softly uttering “wow” as he stared into the distance – imagination clearly fired up at the idea of Father Christmas having secret technology allowing him to travel around the planet at great speed.

“Who knew I’d see the day where my Teddy was rendered speechless?” Violet stated fondly, brushing a hand through her son’s hair as she turned to boil the kettle.

“I, for one, am rather enjoying it,” Rosie announced imperiously, single eyebrow raised defiantly in an identical shadow of her mother’s as she carefully tided her dishes up, “Would you care for a tea Captain?”

“Yes thank you, one for William also if I may?”

“When did you start calling Uncle, William?” Teddy queried innocently, head tilted childishly as his feet swung and kicked into the air in an attempt to work some of his energy off, “I thought you called him Lieutenant? Is it okay to call him William now you’re not fighting in the war?”

Unable to prevent the blush immediately darkening his cheeks, the Captain cleared his throat and averted his gaze bashfully, frantically scrambling to come up with a suitable response for his apparently unseemly behaviour a six-year-old had even taken notice of.

“They’re friends Teddy,” Rosie cut in with a dramatic eye-roll as she placed two filled cups before the Captain, “Friends call each other by their first names of course!”

Taking Miss Rosemary’s answer as an opening to escape, the Captain carefully lifted each cup and swiftly made his exit – quietening his footfalls as he approached William who still lay in a deep sleep. After placing William’s cup on the coffee table, the Captain chose to take the armchair by Havers’ head – quite content to watch the Lieutenant snooze on, something settled comfortably in the Captain like the sensation of finally coming home after a long campaign.

For once not experiencing the itch to keep himself busy, the Captain lightly hummed ‘ _I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General_ ’ to himself as he sipped away at his tea, leg crossed over the other despite the painful crack from his knee it caused.

“You’re very good at keeping a tune,” a sleep-coated voice rumbled from the couch, as its owner stretched languidly – various joints clicking pleasantly causing a pleasing sigh to pass through his lips.

“William, I do apologise – did I wake you?”

“No, but it was a lovely sound to wake up to,” the Lieutenant admitted in a rare moment of candidness, smiling kindly at the Captain from where he lay - observing the Captain’s cheeks redden and eyes lower in response to his compliment, “Is this my tea?”

Nodding silently, the Captain kept his gaze directed upon his own cup – keenly watching the liquid ripple with his movements as he fought to control his heart rate; abruptly and irrationally worrying his racing heart was a symptom of illness and that he risked spreading it to the children.

“Uncle!” Teddy cheered as he launched himself into the family room at a dizzying speed, “Will you play with me?”

“He’s just woken up Master Edward, can I help instead?” the Captain queried, unsure if his offer of help would be wanted but eager to allow William a few moment’s more of rest when they were away from their duties, away from the endless threat of all-out war.

Grinning widely, Teddy nodded emphatically, as he rushed to the Captain’s side, “Can we play soldiers? And I can be Commanding Officer again, like yesterday? Rosie, you can play too!”

“Why would I want to play?” Rosie scowled as she carefully adjusted the pale blue bow in her hair, entering the family room with Violet following behind her, “Good morning Uncle.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea – why don’t you both play outside? I’ve still got a lot of work to do before Christmas day. And I’m sure the Captain and your Uncle would like a little peace for the morning.”

“Yes mother,” the children chorused without objection before rushing outside, leaving a troubled Captain in their wake as he stood up and turned to Violet with an apologetic expression. He’d been inconsiderate. Taking time to sit back while Violet was hampered with a larger workload thanks to his being a guest. He mentally cursed his lack of regard, he’d plainly forgotten his manta - _Act normal, don’t let your oddities show and **prove your worth**._

“My sincere apologies Violet – is there any way I can help?”

“Oh! Of course not Captain – you and William just enjoy some rest, you both did plenty yesterday,” despite Violet’s firm denials, the Captain stiffly shook his head and stood to attention.

“Violet I insist - it wouldn’t be right if I were to laze around when you’re kept plenty busy. Put me to work, please.”

Silently considering the Captain, Violet’s uncertain gaze darted to meet her brother’s – his own imploring stare wordlessly asking she permit the Captain his ask. William knew the Captain inside and out, that much was clear – if he felt the Captain should be allowed to work despite meriting some rest, she would not argue against her brother’s intuition, “How about you help me ice the Christmas cake?”

Bouncing on his toes agreeably, the Captain flicked his crop beneath his arm and motioned for Violet to lead the way into the kitchen as the brunette set about removing the foil from around the cake, “Have you made icing before?”

“I have,” the Captain concurred, accepting the required ingredients from Violet after carefully placing his crop on the serving table – mixing the sugar and butter with an unexpected effortlessness that caused Violet to raise her eyebrows in astonishment.

“Where did you learn to bake, if I may ask?”

“M-My grandmother taught me, when I was a boy. Felt it best I have a firm grasp of all the basic skills in life,” the Captain admitted on a reserved stutter, focus purely on his task as he held the bowl to his chest and hand beat the butter and sugar together with a strength usually well-hidden.

“How wonderful, your grandmother sounded like a charming woman, so nice to see a man willing to cook and bake and not think it beneath him.”

Ignoring the ache building in his shoulder, the Captain never let his eyes stray from where they watched the mixture gradually come together, “She felt the same,” he confessed, unsure where the desire to talk of his grandmother had suddenly come from but keen to express how wonderful she truly was, “She taught me many things; gardening, sewing, darning, knitting. She was an exceptionally skilful woman.”

“Your parents must have been proud to have such a multi-skilled son,” Violet declared, impressed to hear of the Captain’s capabilities – maybe he could help darn some of William’s shirts? He was terrible for getting them snagged on wire or branches when he was out hiking. Still so much like he was as a young boy that man.

Lost in her abstract thoughts of the Captain repairing her brother’s clothing – more and more they seemed to balance each other out flawlessly – she belatedly realised her comment had received no response, only silence. Turning to repeat her query, Violet inaudibly startled at the sight of her brother in the doorway – now smartly dressed for the day as he shook his head with intent, lips set in a firm stern line, his eyes flicking to the Captain and back in a clear warning signal of ‘don’t push’.

Acknowledging her brother’s soundless instruction, Violet moved to pass the Vanilla Essence to the Captain, “I think once you’ve done that, you’d best go collect our axe with William.”

“Of course,” the Captain readily agreed, swiftly mixing in the drops of Vanilla Essence with practiced ease before placing the finished product upon the counter, “Are you certain there’s nothing else I can help with at this moment Violet?”

“I’m sure. If you two leave now you should be back in time for lunch,” picking up the finished bowl of icing, Violet quietly uttered to herself, “It’s perfect” whilst the Captain moved to gather his crop and join the Lieutenant for their morning excursion.

Bouncing and rocking on his toes, previous sombre mood swiftly forgotten, the Captain felt his spirits perk up at the idea of spending some time outside getting exercise alongside his Lieutenant, “Quite ready Lieutenant?”

“Quite so sir,” William returned easily, smile soft as the pair wrapped themselves in their overcoats and outdoor boots and begun their journey towards where they’d abandoned Violet’s axe the day previous.

While they hadn’t noticed inside the cottage, kept cosy by the roaring fire – it seemed the temperature that day was just below freezing. Both men made suddenly aware of the ice beneath their feet as their boots skidded unexpectedly across the shiny surface on the doorstep. Despite the touch of frost - the sky was clear and pale blue, the grass and trees coated in sparkling white and the countryside air fresh and clean.

Breathing deep, the Captain fell into step alongside the Lieutenant after climbing the stile that led them onto the estate grounds. The sound of crunching frost beneath his heavy boots caused a pleasant thrill to shoot up the Captain’s spine as he twirled his crop between his fingers without thought.

“Such a lovely day,” William commented, admiring the bird song surrounding them on their journey, his eyes catching on the movement of the Captain’s hands as he fussed unconsciously with his beloved crop.

“It is,” the Captain agreed, “William, I-I should like to thank you. For allowing me to join you, and your family, over the holidays. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every moment. This has certainly been the best Christmas holiday I’ve ever experienced.”

“We’re grateful to have you here,” observing the Captain both idly and endearingly crush some ice in a puddle with his military boots in an almost childish manner, the Lieutenant felt motivated to delve a little farther than he would normally allow himself since their horrid falling out. What with the Captain having come into himself so much over the past couple of days – the Lieutenant thought it worth skirting a little closer to personal matters, “Did you have many good Christmases as a child? With your grandmother?”

Humming in thought, a deliberating frown pulled at the Captain’s brow as his hands tightened their grip on his crop and stopped their fussing, “Father felt Christmas was a waste of time and money. We’d attend Church, of course, and father would time my laps as a special treat, but that was all we were granted. Understandable of course, he was a Major General – he had little time to waste on frivolities like holidays.”

“You never celebrated Christmas?” William stated in horrified shock, stopping in place as an abrupt burning anger for the Captain’s father gathered deep within him; then wondering what other moments of joy the man forbade his son from experiencing during his childhood.

“We were quite content listening to the Christmas sermon,” the Captain returned unaffected by his admission as he vaulted over a fallen trunk, unaware of the Lieutenant having stopped, “Bally shame we never had a tree, I’d have liked one of those. But I’m grateful to see Master Edward’s – it is quite wonderful.”

“Yes, yes it is,” the Lieutenant offered, tone distant as he tracked the Captain’s seemingly unconcerned meander between the thickening trees, hands resuming their fussing with his crop with the subject now dropped.

As the pair continued their walk in a comfortable silence, the Captain slipping back mindlessly to humming his song from earlier - the Lieutenant considered how different his own life would have been had he not been permitted to celebrate Christmas. When he thought of it, some of his fondest memories were from spending time with his family on Christmas day – the one day where his father wouldn’t have to work, his mother and sister would cook the family a delicious meal and they would spend the evening together warm beside the fire, laughing and playing games through until night. A second troubling thought prickled at his mind as he considered how best to approach the matter; tact and careful wording were important tools when discussing personal matters with the Captain.

“Did your father approve of birthday celebrations?”

“No, I can’t say he did,” the Captain replied, tone brittle before he discreetly hid it behind a throat clearing, “My mother gifted me with tin soldiers one year, however. Father didn’t initially approve, but later agreed it would be a good way for me to prepare for the army. Did you have tin soldiers William?” he enquired, not quite as subtle in his subject change as the Captain likely believed he was, but the Lieutenant allowed it nonetheless; not wanting to put the man into a bleak mood on the eve of Christmas.

Nodding on a chuckle, William cautiously side-stepped a badger’s sett, “Yes, Violet promptly decided they needed dressing up and sewed new outfits for them all. She took great glee in acting as fashion designer for my troops,” he admitted on a fond eye-rolling groan.

The Captain quickly smothered a smile against the back of his hand whilst picturing a young Violet and young William quarrelling over his troops being dressed in high-end fashion, “I should expect nothing less from a lady of such chic as Violet.”

“While that may be true, I’d have much preferred she kept her styling to her dolls and not my soldiers,” William muttered, deliberately portraying mock exasperation in an attempt to elicit another one of those enchanting smiles from the Captain. He was swiftly rewarded as the Captain ducked his head bashfully, sweet smile speedily hidden beneath his moustache. William wished the man didn’t hide his smiles away, they truly lit him up – enhancing his handsome features even more so. William could find himself getting addicted to making the Captain smile for him.

“Ah! Here we are,” the Captain’s pleased exclamation pulled the Lieutenant from his thoughts – as the man pointed forward with use of his crop, indicating the discovery of Violet’s bulky axe, “Mission accomplished Lieutenant.”

On the return journey to the cottage, the Captain and the Lieutenant took turns dragging the axe back, still chatting amicably as they heaved the beast over up-rooted trunks and around various warrens. Upon coming to the edge of the forest, prior to the open expanse of the livestock fields, the Lieutenant gasped and hurriedly tapped at the Captain’s shoulder – stopping him mid-statement, “William?”

“Waxwings, look!” the Lieutenant excitedly pointed towards a tree at the border of the wood and grassland, tone hushed as he marvelled at the melodic trill of the birds seated on various branches, “You can tell it’s them from their yellow-tipped tails. They’re quite rare, it’s quite a treat to see them up close like this.”

“They do sing beautifully,” the Captain commented, eyes however not on the birds but on the man admiring the birds by his side.

“Just gorgeous,” the Lieutenant sighed, eyes wide with delight.

“Y-Yes, quite,” stuttering over his agreement, though not on the same subject as the Lieutenant was indicating, the Captain cleared his throat and forcibly redirected his gaze to the Waxwings.

“We’ll have to record this – a report will need to be made that there’s Waxwings in the area.”

“A report?”

“Oh yes, sights of rare birds must be properly reported to ensure their numbers are accurately tracked across the country. Would you like to help?” already knowing the Captain would say yes, he smiled at the Captain’s hurried eager nod, “Best we get home as soon as possible then.”

In the afternoon, the Captain beamed and bounced on his toes as the Lieutenant talked him through the bird recording process, Violet rolling her eyes at her brother and groaning about his ‘old man bird watching’. Time was spent playing with the children, both men acting as Teddy’s subordinates as he led them on a mission to rescue his model tractor from the enemy – this enemy also being known as ‘Rosemary’. Thankfully Rosie had willingly agreed to take part, using her intellect to play tricks on her brother with considerable hilarity and hiding in rather inventive locations (many not even discovered by the two soldiers, who scratched their heads in puzzlement after having searching the garden to a military standard).

After dinner, Violet proudly took to her feet – waving away the soldiers’ attempts to clean the dishes, as she gathered the group through into the family room, “Time to hang the stockings!”

Her announcement caused both children to cheer, as they collected their stockings and held them aloft ready to be pinned to the mantelpiece.

First pinning Teddy’s, and then Rosemary’s, Violet then hung up her own and produced William’s from the dress of her pocket, “Still here, kept with our own,” she confirmed with a smirk.

“Thank you Vi,” William smiled at his sister, his eyes darting to consider the Captain – uncomfortable at his… _friend_ being excluded, but nonetheless the Captain seemed quite content, arms held behind his back and shoulders straight as he stood to attention without conscious thought.

Witnessing her brother’s concerned scrutiny of his partner, Violet smiled gently - thankful for her forethought as she reached into her second pocket and lifted out one final stocking, “And I believe, Captain, this one is yours.”

Stunned, the Captain’s hands dropped to his sides as he stared at the stocking presented to him – his title sewn in exquisite cursive embroidery into the thick woollen material, “F-for me?” he stammered, fighting to not entirely lose his composure in an unseemly display in front of the children.

“Well of course, you’re one of the family now after all,” Violet returned, her brother’s blindingly grateful expression prompting her to reach out and take one of the Captain’s hands in her own, “This year wouldn’t have been the same without you. We’re so glad to have you in our family.”

Furiously blinking against the want to tear up, the Captain rolled his shoulders back and clicked his jaw side-to-side compulsively as he worked to settle himself – overwhelmed by the very concept of being included in someone’s _family_. It was something he’d always dreamed of; lying isolated and alone in bed on base, chilled to the bone curled against a filthy trench wall, fearfully hiding beneath his childhood bed as his father cursed obscenities. He’d dreamed of it, but never believed such a thing would ever be his reality. Not one to hold on to optimism, was the Captain.

“T-Thank you,” he eventually stuttered out, vaguely aware of the Lieutenant’s hand moving to clasp his shoulder supportively – the grounding touch deeply appreciated in that moment.

“Does that mean I can call you Uncle too, Captain?” Teddy’s naïve voice enquired, “Does having two Uncles mean I’ll get more presents?”

“Teddy!” Rosie and Violet scolded in unison, the boy’s childish statement instead causing the two soldiers to smile with amusement, the Captain ducking his head and secretly revelling in the comforting squeeze of William’s hand.

“Hang it up Uncle!” Rosie piped up, her request passing the Captain by as he presumed she was referring to William, but promptly corrected when Violet offered the Captain his stocking and motioned to the final empty space on the mantle.

Taking a moment to rub the fabric of his stocking between his fingers, the Captain nodded as he moved forward – hanging it beside William’s and deciding that he rather liked how their names looked beside each other.

“Now, you two get your nice clothes on and some thick jackets – it looks like it’s going to be a cold evening,” Violet instructed, Teddy and Rosie hurriedly heading to their rooms to change, “You too – jackets on."

Frowning, the Captain turned to William in askance – who’s hand still rested upon his shoulder, he noted shyly – the soldier already smiling at him, “Most of the women in the village like to Carol on Christmas Eve, I’m usually the only man – aside from the organ player and the conductor – so it’ll be nice to have a brother in arms for a change.”

The walk to the village hall was a pleasant one, the children scampering ahead in their excitement while Violet looped an arm through each of the men’s – though it had become frightfully chilled, the sky remained clear and the stars twinkled prettily.

Their arrival at the hall caused an instant stir with the locals, the women rushing to introduce themselves and interrogate them about the Captain’s presence – his neatly-pressed officer’s uniform causing many eyes to stray his way.

“Violet! Have you found yourself a new man?” one lady demanded not unkindly.

“And what a man you’ve found!” another gushed.

Laughing, Violet shook her head, “I’m afraid not ladies, the Captain is a dear friend of my brother’s. We invited him to spend Christmas with us. Thought we’d bring him along to enjoy some Caroling, didn’t we?”

“You’re more than welcome sir,” a curvy blonde lady with tight curls and thick red lipstick greeted, clasping the Captain firmly by the arm, “You can stand beside me for the evening, I’ll keep you right.”

A second brunette appeared at the Captain’s other side, petite but with long glamorous eyelashes, “I think not Ruth, better he stay by me – you’ve been known to forget the words on occasion.”

“Why I never-!”

“Captain, pleasure to welcome you to our humble choir,” the conductor stepped forward, diplomatically ending the ladies’ dispute before it could become something much more unmanageable, offering his hand as he tipped his hand to the Captain, “Name’s Bernard Clark, choir conductor for the evening. It’ll be nice to have some deeper tones to work with. Do you know your range?”

“I can’t say I do,” the Captain admitted, briefly distracted from the press of women at his sides as he shook the proffered hand.

“No matter, we’ll keep you and William in the same range. Thank you for your service to our country, sir. I’m afraid I can’t serve as I should,” Bernard used his walking stick, now only noticed by the Captain, to tap his leg – a dull wooden thump offering the answer to his inability to serve.

“Not at all old boy. We need men like yourself at home also. Can’t expect the ladies to have to run the entire country while we’re occupied.”

“Oh I like him,” a third yet unheard voice piped in from within the huddle of women.

Nodding his respectful acknowledgement, Bernard stepped back from the Captain, shaking hands with William and hugging Violet and the children, “Alma, would you pass on the music sheets to the Havers’?”

As the music sheets were passed around, the Captain became uncomfortably aware of a third lady pressing forward, the other two not yet having released their hold on him – almost leaning on his chest in her desire to be near him, “Captain, what an honourable man you must truly be. And single, I presume? With no wife to spend Christmas with?”

“N-No,” choking on a stutter the Captain instinctively edged away, feeling increasingly overwhelmed by the barrage of women gaining on him but not wishing to appear impolite to all the lovely ladies around him.

“Unmarried? How awful for you. You must surely be looking for someone? A wife to care for your home, tend to your needs…?” flicking her long sleek black hair over her shoulder, the still unnamed lady pressed further forward her bosom pressing against the Captain’s chest unpleasantly – a wide smile filling her face as the women to her sides tsked, unimpressed at her indecorous vulgarity.

“Thank you Vera, but I’m afraid the Captain’s already married to his work,” Violet cut in, smiling brightly as her brother edged in behind her and carefully grasped the Captain by his elbow – gently guiding him away from the gaggle of fawning women, to both the Captain’s mixed relief and perplexity.

“Your _husband_ might be interested to hear about your sudden devotion to matrimonial duties Vera…” the Captain heard one lady – Ruth he believed, mutter under her breath as he allowed William to drag him off to the side.

“Did I do something wrong?” he queried, once William had let go of him – worried he’d already managed to embarrass himself, or say something improper. It never did seem to take him long to say the wrong thing and put people off him.

“No, you did nothing wrong,” William confirmed, “I just- …thought it better you stay with me.”

“Yes, I do think I’d prefer that,” the Captain admitted as he compulsively brushed his uniform down, brushing the sensation of their touches away under William’s attentive eye, “I’m not sure the ladies realised how close they were to me.”

“They knew,” the Lieutenant muttered with a glower directed at the women Violet was attempting to appease.

“Pardon?”

“I said who knew?” the Lieutenant shrugged easily, noting the Captain still brushing repetitively at his uniform sleeves, “Are you okay?”

“Oh just fine, tip-top! I can’t say I remember when I was last involved with Caroling – I hope I’m not too horrid.”

“Based on your humming this morning, I’m sure you’ll be just fine,” William smiled, patting the Captain on the shoulder as the conductor called order to the room – Violet moving to bracket the Captain on his other side to prevent any of the other women from moving in.

As the conductor talked through each of the pieces, explaining the tone and pitch required, the Captain nodded along with his full focus, eager not to make any mistakes that might embarrass his hosts.

“Excellent, I think we’re ready to begin,” Bernard smiled at the choir, his hands moving with the flow of the music as the organ came to life on the opening notes of ‘ _In the Bleak Midwinter_ ’ – Violet’s voice carrying strongly on the first line before being joined by her fellow singers for the second.

William and the Captain’s voices offered a pleasing baritone to the melody, the Captain’s deep resonant tone ringing through pleasantly to the amazement and joy of the rest of the choir – encouraging them to raise their voices to match his harmony.

Caught in a moment of sheer wonder at the Captain’s singing, William caught the Captain’s hand in his own – holding it tightly hidden between their bodies, disguised behind the row of singers in front of them. Elated when the Captain didn’t startle or pull away, instead squeezing his hand in return – the Captain’s eyes slipping shut serenely as he harmonised on the chorus.

The evening carried on in a similar vein, singing Carol after Carol, the soldiers’ hands intertwined throughout, shy smiles curling the lips of both men – only releasing once the choir started to disperse, each person wishing merry Christmas to their neighbours before returning home for a night’s rest.

Teddy’s loud yawning signalled time to leave as the Lieutenant reached down and lifted the young boy to his hip, letting the boy doze on his shoulder with his arms wrapped tightly around his Uncle’s neck. The Captain moved to thank the conductor and organist, leaving Violet to whisper furtively to her sibling, “Did you know he could sing like that?”

“No idea,” he answered, gaze tender as he watched the Captain from across the room.

The walk home was quiet, one sleeping boy held by William, a second sleepy young girl stumbling alongside her mother – the excitement of the holidays gone until the morning. As Violet helped Rosie out of her overcoat and shoes, whispering for her to go to bed and sleep well – the Lieutenant gently laid Teddy down on his bed, the Captain pulling off his shoes and pulling back his duvet without prompting.

Once the children were safe and warm, Violet excused herself for the night, bidding the men a good night with a kiss to each of their cheeks before departing to her bedroom.

Walking to the Captain’s room, the pair stood before each other – cheeks both a rosy red as William bravely reached out and took both of the Captain’s hands in his own, “It’s been a lovely day.”

“It certainly has,” the Captain mumbled shyly, gaze on their hands as he hid a smile beneath his moustache.

“You sing beautifully,” William added softly, smiling kindly when the Captain’s eyes jumped up to catch his.

“T-Thank you.”

“Christmas day tomorrow,” William squeezed the Captain’s hands, “I think this will be the best Christmas yet, with you here with me.”

Ducking his head, the Captain nodded his agreement on a throat clearing, “I-I do believe so William.”

Nodding, the Lieutenant let go of the Captain’s hands, “See you in the morning,” he offered softly as he moved to collect his sleeping clothes, watching as the Captain quietly slipped into his room.

Falling back against the mattress without any grace, the Captain let loose a long happy sigh – lips curling up at the echoing pleasing sensation of William’s fingers against his own. The Lieutenant’s touch didn’t hurt, it didn’t make him feel uncomfortable or tainted – quite the opposite really. The Captain found himself craving more – he’d never sought after physical touch in his life, but now William’s was all he could think about.

Lost in his daydreams, it took the Captain a few moments to spot the twinkling at the edge of his vision, turning his head his heart stopped for an instant as his eyes took in the sight of the little Christmas tree by his bedside. Lit with small candles and tasteful decorations – exacting to his preferences; it was perfect in every way.

_His own tree?_ Swallowing thickly, the Captain realised William must have left it there for him when he was out playing with the children in the afternoon. He’d told William he’d always wanted his own tree, and now here it sat.

Brushing his fingers delicately through the short branches, the Captain smiled to himself, _this really has been the best Christmas_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! Another long wait, but I come bearing my longest chapter yet in recompense? 
> 
> I tried to balance the sugary-sweet romance with the angst in this chapter; hope it came over well.
> 
> As always, this fic would not be happening without the support, beta'ing and genius ideas of Wheels - so a massive thank you!
> 
> Also, thank you for the continuing kudos and comments - prior to joining the 'Ghosts' fandom, I'd write a fic once every three years (if even), thanks to everyone being so genuinely lovely in this fandom, I've felt inspired to keep writing even when work/life has kept me stupidly busy. Thank you. <3


	10. Christmas Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slipping his eyelids open sluggishly, he was greeted by a very welcome vision of beauty. Deep cocoa-coloured eyes met his own, lips upturned into a tender smile as a hand reached forward to delicately brush loose hair back from the Captain’s brow; both a private and affectionate gesture that the Captain silently revelled in.

Snug. Not a word the Captain typically tended to use, considering it to be too personal of description for a soldier to appropriately use. Words like warm, adequate, sufficient were usually the preferred choice. Despite recognising the incongruity of using such a word; it still seemed the most fitting expression to name his present state.

Maybe ‘inviting’ would be better? No, that was verging on impropriety even more so.

‘Cosy’? Yes, he certainly felt cosy, but _snug_ just… It just felt right. Precise.

He’d slowly come to conscious awareness; wrapped tightly in the comforting weight of his bedsheets, sensing the welcome heat of the sunlight passing through the Victorian-glassed windows on to his covered legs. His pillow, plush and soothing, tempted him idly to remain when he lay – to disregard the day, and simply soak in the tranquillity he so rarely allowed himself.

Usually, the Captain would awake promptly - bright and mentally equipped from the outset. A soldier’s natural body clock. Well, he grimly admitted to himself - maybe not so _natural_ and more learned; first from his childhood years by a father who believed any form of idleness or lethargy to be evidence of feebleness and ineptitude. Next, from joining the army; sharply learning in the trenches that sleep was both to be silently cherished and used predominantly as a tool – to regain energy for the next inevitable battle the following day.

Today, however, the Captain permitted himself the indulgence to drift leisurely to wakefulness. Not entirely sure what had initially caused him to pull from his restful sleep, until a gentle hand squeezed his upper arm firmly – the perfect amount of pressure applied, how did they know?

“Captain?”

Normally, a voice so near his bedside would cause the Captain to stand to immediate attention; distressed at being caught unawares and unprotected, but instead the voice – its calming timbre, smooth and kind, (could a voice portray kindness? Certainly this one could he mused,) warmed the Captain from his core. A stray thought at the back of his mind confirming the owner of said voice was safe, trustworthy; was the one person he didn’t need to uphold his guard around, the one person he could allow to see him exposed and vulnerable in his sleepy-state.

Slipping his eyelids open sluggishly, he was greeted by a very welcome vision of beauty. Deep cocoa-coloured eyes met his own, lips upturned into a tender smile as a hand reached forward to delicately brush loose hair back from the Captain’s brow; both a private and affectionate gesture that the Captain silently revelled in.

“William?” he whispered, voice rough from his deep sleep - distantly realising the Lieutenant had never seen him with his hair un-styled, nor out of uniform, and yet the Captain found himself surprisingly unbothered by this fact. Almost feeling like it was somehow overdue; sharing the less refined part of himself with the other soldier.

“Morning,” the Lieutenant softly returned, pulling his hand back as he resettled himself in his seat by the Captain’s bedside, “I believe this is the first time you’ve slept longer than I. A wonder if I ever heard one.”

“Good lord, how long have I slept in?” despite the alarm building inside him, the Captain still felt deeply reluctant to pull himself from the aura of snugness he’d awoken in to.

“Don’t worry, it’s only 0730 hours. Teddy shook me awake bright and early today, but I asked we let you sleep just a little longer. A Christmas treat, if you will,” William tilted his head, his gaze soft and considering – making the Captain wonder idly what the other man might be thinking of him, what he saw when he looked at the Captain in this moment. Was it good? Was the Lieutenant appraising him? Assessing him in his defenceless state; his barriers down and the gates open to all. Laid bare.

“You look good like this,” the Lieutenant commented in a hushed voice, as if admitting a secret, his hand reaching out once more seemingly without conscious decision as he tenderly brushed the backs of his fingers against the Captain’s cheek.

The motion caused the Captain’s eyes to flutter shut as he basked in the pleasing sensation, humming lightly to indicate his appreciation of the gesture. It was something he’d never experienced before; physical touch being generally associated with pain or reprimand and yet he felt himself immediately craving more – more of William’s caring touch.

The Lieutenant allowed a few more brushes of his fingers before emitting a soft sigh, as if disappointed to move on with the day. Or was that simply the Captain’s imagination taking command? He’d assumed he’d crushed any and all romantic fantasies long long ago, but it seemed the Lieutenant had him daydreaming like a schoolboy once more.

“Here,” William pulled back, moving to pick up a tray laid on the nearby cabinet – somehow gone unnoticed by the Captain since his waking, “Breakfast in bed.”

Sliding up into a seated position, back rested against the wooden headboard, an indescribable emotion rushed through the Captain as he regarded the tray carefully rested upon his lap by the other soldier – a plate of plain white toast with a ramekin of raspberry jam on one side of the tray, a pot of tea, milk and two cups in the middle and a second plate containing bacon and powdered eggs on the side closest to the Lieutenant.

“Bon appetite?” William suggested, a grin lighting up his face as he lifted his plate to rest on his knees and unwrapped his cutlery, eagerly cutting in to his morning bacon.

“But I-” the Captain’s hands fluttered around his toast for a moment, unsure whether to follow the Lieutenant’s lead and allow himself a moment of indulgence or instead relent to his orderly tendencies mentally scolding him for his indolence, “I shouldn’t like to get crumbs on Violet’s duvet.”

“When have you ever let crumbs go anywhere but the plate?” the Lieutenant chuckled, “Enjoy your toast before it cools, we’ve to open our stockings soon and Teddy’s likely to vibrate out the front door in his excitement.”

Smiling widely at the image produced by the Lieutenant’s depiction, the Captain offered a short nod as he permitted himself this luxury; methodically spreading his jam, corner-to-corner in an even amount so as to keep the itching under his skin at bay.

Whilst a comfortable silence fell upon the pair, the Captain tolerated the fabrication of a second fancy within his mind – of having more mornings like this; just the two of them, close and safe, sharing breakfast and fondly swapping stories. The Captain shyly noted it might even be better if the Lieutenant were beside him on the bed – certainly nothing indecorous! Just, simply seated beside him. Maybe close enough that their elbows would touch, or their legs. Just like after they’d finished decorating the Christmas tree. The touch would be welcome, constant and reassuring – just like all of William’s touches were.

Aware of the precarious route his thoughts were moving towards, the Captain swiftly shook his head ridding it of such fantasies and instead directed his gaze around the room, coming to a halt upon the little Christmas tree he’d admired the night prior.

“Thank you,” he whispered, cheeks warming as he stared down at the gathering of toast crumbs upon his plate; William had been right, not a single crumb had navigated away from the dish, not even to the surface of the tray.

“Hmm?” William prompted, cheerfully chewing on his final mouthful of eggs as he tidied his cutlery away.

“F-For the tree… It’s, perfect, I dare say. Just what I’d always hoped for,” his meek admittance abruptly felt like he’d given a part of himself away, presented William with something precious and private – classified information not to be read by enemy eyes.

Placing his hand atop the Captain’s where it rested upon the bedsheets, William offered his kind smile – a smile the Captain secretly adored and had started to recognise was shared only with him and no other, “You’re welcome, always.”

Meeting the Lieutenant’s gaze, the Captain felt an unusual pull towards the other – almost magnetic in its force. William’s free hand returned to delicately clasp his cheek, thumb stroking back and forth under his eye – the motion calming the racing beat of the Captain’s heart as the Lieutenant leaned incrementally towards him, the Captain faintly conscious of his own body responding by shifting slowly into the Lieutenant’s space. William’s fingers twined through the Captain’s, squeezing reassuringly as they neared each other.

“UNCLE WILLIAM! UNCLE CAPTAIN! TIME FOR STOCKINGS!”

Jerking hastily apart, the two men startled at Teddy’s unexpected call which echoed through the closed door of the Captain’s room – William’s touch falling away from the Captain’s face, and their hands swiftly releasing the other.

“Teddy! What did I tell you about bothering your Uncles this morning!” Violet’s chastising reprimand could be heard; the lady in question audibly ushering the child away from the door and back through the house as she muttered about ‘privacy’ and ‘just one morning alone’.

Roughly clearing his throat, and deliberately ignoring the way his cheeks felt like he were suffering a rapid fever, the Captain averted his gaze back down to the bedsheets, “Best-best I get myself dressed for the day, I should think.”

Nodding on a defeated sigh, the Lieutenant collected the breakfast tray and moved to standing, “Take your time, I’ll keep Teddy entertained while you do so,” he instructed, offering one final soft smile before exiting the room and closing the door firmly behind himself.

Eyes resting on the door, his gaze having only lifted once William had left; the Captain raised his hand to lightly touch his cheek where the Lieutenant had moments before been clasping him. His skin still felt warm from William’s touch and it tingled pleasantly as he recalled the past fifteen minutes – images passing through his mind like that of a moving film.

Climbing off the bed, the Captain collected his overnight bag and searched through the organised chaos – anxiety causing his breath to stutter uncomfortably as he considered the items chosen and laid out. Would they pass muster? Or would it all be a big disappointment? He was rather used to being a failure, but for William, Violet and the children – he’d rather like to meet their expectations, if even just for today.

Settling his nerve, as if preparing to step into no-man’s land (the comparison, while untasteful was most fitting – certainly he’d faced guns with more bravery than he did with social interactions), the Captain firmed his jaw and moved to change for the day – styling his hair and wishing it were the Lieutenant’s fingers stroking through it once more, rather than his own. If only to slow his racing pulse and calm his worries. William was quite good at that.

It seemed he’d already immediately dissatisfied them all; when he’d stepped in to the kitchen to be met with uncomfortable curt silence. Both William and Violet staring at his chosen ensemble blankly. Wringing his hands together (his crop left back in his room – a choice he now instantly regretted), the Captain flinched away from their silent judgement, “-I apologise, I’ll change.”

“No!” William’s voice called out urgently, hand held aloft reaching towards him in a frantic attempt to halt the Captain from his escape, “No – don’t. You look… good. Very good.”

“You look very handsome Captain,” Violet added playfully, ruby red lips curved in her signature smirk, “Isn’t it a pleasant surprise to see you out of uniform? A refreshing change, I’d say.”

The Lieutenant nodded along with his sister’s assessment, muttering a low ‘yes’ in agreement, as his gaze raked up and down the Captain’s body causing the soldier to flush under his evaluating gaze. The Captain hadn’t been sure his civilian clothing would be well received, but the Lieutenant’s plea for him to remain dressed as he was felt reassuring at least.

He’d elected to wear a soft maroon cardigan made of thick heavy wool, a crisp white shirt beneath with a striped tie in a classic Winsor knot. His trousers were much the same as his uniform-issue ones, but of a deep navy hue, providing contrast to his cardigan.

“You- approve?” the Captain queried, tone cautious as he glanced up at William from beneath his eyelashes – recognising how dependent he was on the Lieutenant’s response; how eager he was for the other soldier’s approval.

“I-yes, I certainly approve,” William stuttered back, a blush rising to his cheeks as he spoke.

With an amused snort, Violet slapped her brother lightly on the arm, “Come on you two, I’ve got two children chomping at the bit ready to open some stockings before Christmas service.”

Waiting as Violet called out the door for the children to come in from their playing, the adults moved towards the stockings hanging on the mantle – William and the Captain moving to stand side-by-side, fingers brushing discreetly where they hung at their sides. The touch instinctive, as opposed to being intentional.

“Stockings time!” Teddy cheered as he raced into the family room at frightening speed, abandoning a stick clearly gathered on his morning exploration. He was followed by a much more put-together and reserved Rosie, carefully brushing at her sunny yellow gingham _Sunday Best_ dress.

“Merry Christmas Uncle, Captain,” Rosie greeted sweetly, as she sedately joined Teddy at his side in front of the mantle. Rolling her eyes theatrically as her younger brother began to bounce in place.

“Merry Christmas Miss. Rosemary, Master Edward – I must say, you both look very smart,” the Captain commented, “And you Violet, your dress is extremely fetching if I may say, very elegant.”

Smiling graciously at the Captain’s compliment, Violet nodded her thanks before reaching to unpin both of the children’s stockings, handing one to each and observing their delighted reactions as they revealed sweet fruits, chocolate, a small bag of rhubarb and custard bon-bons each (William’s addition), a copper penny and a couple of little wooden toys (the Captain’s choice). A spinning top for Teddy, and a peg lady for Rosie.

“Thank you very much mother, Uncle, Captain, these are just wonderful.”

“Thank youuuuu!”

“And for my two brothers,” Violet continued, unpinning William and the Captain’s stockings and passing them over.

Dumbfounded to have been given a stocking in the first place, the Captain had been rather unprepared to accept he’d actually been given gifts inside his stocking also. Breathing deeply, he carefully reached in to the woollen depths, extracting a smooth walnut-coloured pipe and a shiny new penknife – he felt stunned by the gifts, particularly as they were items he had been in hope of buying himself someday soon. Had William advised Violet what would be well received by him? He thought he may have mentioned his needing a new penknife to William at some point, but that was surely months ago – he had remembered this whole time?

With a glance to his side, the Captain watched apprehensively as William uncovered a pair of cigars (evidently his gift from Violet) and a large bar of dark chocolate. The Captain knew how much William adored chocolate, the richer the better – but with it being particularly scarce of recent and such a luxury, he’d never had the opportunity to see the Lieutenant treat himself as he deserved. Choosing to cash in a few of his ration vouchers for the largest and highest quality bar he could find, the Captain had anxiously hoped his choice of stocking-filler would be well met.

“Thank you,” William rushed out on a wavering breath, “You remembered.”

Ducking his head, the Captain hid a smile, “You too it seems.”

Impulsively deciding to take the initiative in a move so alien to his usual precisely planned gestures, the Captain’s fingers slotted between William’s – he had never been good at words, so his actions would do the work.

“And you Violet?” the Captain prompted after a throat clearing, “Time to open your stocking also?”

With an indulgent roll of her eyes Violet unpinned her own stocking, struck silent when she produced a tube of her favourite brand of lipstick along with a pair of crimson red day-gloves, “Thank you,” she uttered out in obvious shock, “I didn’t- My favourite lipstick, but it’s so expensive? And the gloves, they-they’re perfect.”

“I do hope they’ll not clash too terribly with any of your dresses,” the Captain offered bashfully, “I tried to get them to match the colour of your lipstick, William’s guidance made all the difference if I’m quite honest.”

Nodding along, the Lieutenant smiled softly at the Captain’s shy comment, his fingers squeezing the Captain’s pleasantly, “Don’t you worry about cost sister, you do plenty to care for others and never once put yourself first. You deserve a little expense at Christmas, least I- _we_ can do.”

Pulling her brother fondly into her arms, Violet briefly let her forehead rest against his shoulder – tilting her head towards the Captain, “And may I hug you in thanks also?”

“Uh-well, I,” tugging fretfully at the knot of his tie, the Captain nodded brusquely, “Of course Violet.”

“ _Firmly_ ,” he heard William murmur to his sister as he released her and she moved to wrap her arms around the Captain, her grip steady – as advised, careful not to brush any of her lipstick against the Captain’s cardigan, “I’m glad you’re here with us today,” she whispered softly on a final squeeze.

At what point had William observed that the Captain disliked light touch? The Captain wondered distractedly, privately appreciative of his attentiveness nonetheless as Violet’s brief hold had mercifully elicited no pain. Should he be embarrassed? Ashamed that this flaw was observed and identified so easily? Maybe he’d allowed the walls to drop a little too low; how would he be able to continue to prove his worth if all William saw when he looked at him was fragility? What sort of Captain would he be if his Lieutenant knew how exceptionally inadequate he was beneath his uniform?

“Now, time for Church,” Violet announced with a clap of her hands, cutting suddenly through the Captain’s spiralling doubts, “And I think I know _exactly_ which hat would match my new lipstick and gloves.”

Deciding to park his insecurities to one side, the Captain followed the family through the house – dressing in warm coats and sturdy boots for the short walk to the Church. Violet’s hat did indeed match perfectly with the gloves she now wore (a spark of rare pride rose in the Captain at seeing her don his gift – he’d finally done something well,) crimson red under the pale winter sunlight where it sat quirked at an angle atop her artfully curled coffee locks.

Their arrival at the church garnered a positive reception; the ladies of the village praising Violet’s chic new look, the men shaking hands with the soldiers – welcoming them to their humble Church, and the children pleased to see each other, chasing one and other between the adults with delighted shrieks.

The service was both plain and charming, no pretences had but homely in a way the Captain had never experienced when attending previous Christmas sermons in years gone by. He was almost certain his father would have greatly disapproved, the Captain – on the other hand, thought it may have been the best service he’d ever joined. The minister was elderly, holding to older values, but still kind and welcoming. After the service, the minister ensured to be available to shake hands and make congenial small talk with all members of the congregation outside.

Now, the Captain patiently stood to the side, having already thanked the minister for his sermon, he was quite content to let William and Violet catch-up with the preacher. All the village children chattered excitedly in one large group, likely discussing their stockings, and trying to guess what gift Santa may have left them under their respective Christmas trees.

“Captain, how wonderful to see you. How handsome you look out of uniform,” Vera, the Captain vaguely remembered from Caroling practice the night before, approached him – her wide smile emphasised by her choice of heavy plum-coloured lipstick, “Well, even _more_ handsome, perhaps I should say.”

Her proceeding girlish laughter caused a wave of unease to shiver through the Captain; unsure why - the Captain disregarded his body’s response and attempted to return the smile, “Thank you, that is quite kind of you to say, Mrs-?”

“Just call me Vera honey,” she responded with an easy natural confidence the Captain had always wished for and had worked hard to attain, “And just what are you doing here, all by your lonesome?”

Feeling increasingly uncomfortable for unknown reasons, the Captain darted his gaze over to where William still stood chatting with the minister; blessedly unaware of the Captain’s gathering turmoil. Smothering the urge to move towards the other soldier, or call out for him, the Captain recalled his earlier concerns – of the Lieutenant being privy to all his weaknesses. Certainly seeking his aid here would be another nail in the coffin, best to leave him alone. Vera was just being friendly, his reaction to her conversation was unacceptable, ungentlemanly and unfathomable. All one had to do was be polite and make simple small talk.

“I felt it best to allow Wi-the Lieutenant, to have some time catching up with the minister, seeing as we’ve been on base so long,” he answered, spine instinctively stiffening despite himself, facing the firing squad.

“How considerate you are,” Vera sighed, “And when do you return to your duties? I don’t suppose you’d have a spare few hours to come by my house? I’d be happy to provide you with tea and biscuits, a heartfelt thanks for your bravery in these uncertain times.”

As she spoke, Vera neared the Captain – clasping her hands around his arm with a dainty touch, tingles of agonising static shooting through his muscles where her fingers lay. Biting back his discomfort, the Captain forced a smile through pursed lips, “I must thank you Mrs- Vera, but I’m sorry to say our leave is nearing its end and the Lieutenant and I must return to base quite soon.”

“You surely must have _some_ spare time before you go?” Vera pressed, both figuratively and literally, her bosom squashed uncomfortably into the Captain’s bicep causing him to flinch away in response.

_Act normal, don’t let your oddities show and prove your worth._

_Act normal, don’t let your oddities show._

_Act **normal**._

“I-I shouldn’t like to, to, insult my host,” he stuttered, gaze flickering anywhere but in the direction of the woman hanging off his arm; along with her excruciating touch – her shrill voice had begun to pierce at his eardrums, the cloying stench of her perfume choking the Captain and drowning his senses, rather wishing he’d brought his crop with him and just kept it stored away in his pocket.

“Nonsense, Violet just wants you all to herself, just because her husband’s gone – doesn’t mean she should get all your attention,” reaching to place her fingers lightly against the Captain’s jaw, the soldier fought the sudden urge to be sick – her featherlike touch causing painful shudders to wrack his frame. The impulse to pull violently away, find somewhere to hide and curl in on himself was battling against his desire to look normal. To act as any other ordinary man would in such a harmless social situation.

“Mrs. Hunter,” William’s sharp tone sliced through the Captain’s consuming distress.

A second later, Vera’s touch on his jaw and arm vanished – she was still _too close_ , but no longer pressing in to him, her presence searing away at his skin.

“Please tell your husband I was asking after him in your next correspondence. Working on the frontline, he has the respect of all our men. Your dedication to him is admirable,” William stated, his smile so far from what the Captain was used to, almost wooden in how it sat upon his lips, “I fear we must bid you goodbye however, the Captain and I are to return to the house to prepare the children’s gifts you see. Merry Christmas.”

“Of course Mr. Havers,” Vera replied curtly, her smile as ill-fitting as William’s had been - flicking her dark hair behind her shoulder in one sharp movement, “Merry Christmas.”

After departing from the pair without a backward glance, the Lieutenant wordlessly grasped the Captain’s upper arm and led him away from the church, past Violet’s cottage and onwards until they stopped alongside a small shaded wood – not another person around to be seen or heard from. Perhaps the Lieutenant didn’t wish for the Captain to continue embarrassing him so? He was sure his hapless interactions had been a source of scorn for the villagers, they’d likely been watching him the entire time. Observing his irregularities, whispering about his peculiarities. It was no surprise the Lieutenant had taken him away, prevented him from further humiliating him and his family. It seemed no matter how hard he tried, he could never act how people expected; be what they wanted him to be.

“I need you to breathe sir,” William commanded, tone sharp with authority. Such an unusual request, where was the Captain’s reprimand?

“Breathe,” the Lieutenant ordered once more, tone lowered and a tad softer.

Only upon fully processing the Lieutenant’s instructions, did the Captain belatedly become aware of the blazing pain in his lungs – the burning from Vera’s earlier contact having masked the cramping in his chest. Gasping in a deep shuddering breath, lungs filling with air once more, the Captain worked to blink away the spots dancing in his vision, “Lieutenant, d-do forgive me. Mrs. Hunter, she was just being neighbourly. I fear I did not respond as one should.”

Swallowing against the bile crawling up his throat, the Captain rolled his shoulders back and squared his jaw – eager to re-establish his façade and make amends for his social fiasco, “D-Did you have sufficient time to speak with the minister?”

“Captain-”

“The service was rather splendid, wasn’t it? I should think-”

“ _Captain_ -”

“-the King’s speech will be just as stirring, I-”

“ ** _Please_**! Sir!”

Choking to a stop, the Captain raised his glazed stare from where it had lain on the grass beneath his boots, fearing he’d angered the Lieutenant considerably more than initially thought. Instead his eyes caught the tension around the Lieutenant’s jaw, the upset curl of his lips and the pull of his eyebrows – he did not look angry, instead _frightened_?

“Don’t hide from me,” William pleaded, tone thick, “I can see you’re in pain. I can see how hard you’re trying to look and act unaffected. Please, don’t pretend with me, I couldn’t bear the idea of you turning away from me. _Let me in_.”

Warring fiercely against the want to just let his body fold forward, let his fingers scrub at the stains left by Vera’s touch and the need to abide by his internal mantra, the Captain dropped his head exhaustedly – pinching at the bridge of his nose in an attempt to hold himself together, “William, it’s- I can’t- There’s too much-”

All of a sudden, strong arms enveloped him – their grip secure, protective, pressing deeply against his skin as they wrapped around his back. The unexpected, and yet long-awaited, pressure caused the tension to immediately disperse from the Captain’s rigid muscles – a weight suddenly lifted from his shoulders.

“ _Firmly_ ,” a memory of William’s instruction to Violet earlier that morning.

How was it William knew the exact pressure to exert when holding the Captain? His embrace wasn’t suffocating as many others had been in the past – he didn’t feel trapped, bound and unable to fight back. It wasn’t soft, feeble, eliciting a sensation of needles tearing mercilessly at his skin. It didn’t make him want to scrub at his body, scratch away at his flesh until the prickling settled. The Captain could feel every single point William’s hands, arms and chest pushed against his, and somehow; it grounded him. Steadied his breath, unravelled the lump of anxiety in his stomach and cleaned away the taint of Vera’s touch.

Hesitantly, the Captain brought his own arms up and around the other – letting his arms sit where it felt natural, and ignoring the critical voice in his head as it mocked his inexperience, _is this really how one hugs another? Are you completely sure you’re doing it correctly? You’re very likely doing it wrong. Lord knows you do most things wrong when it involves other people._

The voice abruptly silenced when William tightened his grip. His hold centring the Captain, ridding him of his self-deprecating thoughts and letting him focus purely on William, and how safe he felt inside his arms in this single moment shared between them.

Letting his forehead drop to rest on William’s shoulder, he sighed appreciatively when he felt the Lieutenant rest his chin atop the Captain’s head in response.

“How do you feel?” William whispered softly, voice almost lost to the breeze and the faint birdsong within the trees.

“Better,” the Captain admitted shyly.

“Everyone will be heading to their homes for Christmas lunch, and no one will come out this way - we can stay here a while longer if you need. We don’t have to move. I’m happy to hold you, if you want.”

Hiding his face against William’s jumper, the Captain realised he dearly wanted this. He wanted to just _be_ with William; no responsibilities, no ranks, no war, no worrying about what other people think of him – just this, this feeling of security, that everything will be alright if he has William with him. He wanted to hold hands with William, to wake up in the morning beside him, share breakfast with him and hold him, be held.

“Yes, a little while longer should be… nice.”

With this being the Captain’s first real hug, one he’d actually welcomed – he felt unsure how long he was permitted to seek the Lieutenant’s embrace. Several minutes had passed by, blissfully if he were being entirely honest, and he’d begun to worry he might be boring the other man. The deep pressure provided by William’s grip was something the Captain lamented not having experienced earlier in his lifetime – the ability to stop the world spinning and only think about the relief of having no tension clawing at his frame for once. But was it the same for William?

Reluctant to lose the peace he’d found within William’s embrace, oblivious to all but his touch, but knowing it was unfair of him to ask any more of the man – the Captain loosened his hold, pulling away and unable to make eye contact as embarrassment occupied him once more.

“Are you okay to go back? We don’t have to if you’re not ready. Violet would certainly understand.”

Despite William’s voice sounding as genuine and kind as ever, the Captain couldn’t help the trepidation building within – he’d rather ruined Christmas, hadn’t he? William had deserved a quiet Christmas with his family, a rest from his duties, and all the Captain had done was make more work for him. Clearly the Captain had learned nothing from his childhood, he had ruined Christmas as a boy and now he did the same as a man.

His gifts suddenly seemed so inconsequential now. Worthless. Paltry. He’d likely disappoint the children, if were to give them their gifts. It seemed unfair, to upset the children on such an important day. They didn’t deserve to have a miserable holiday like he had at their age.

“Stop it,” William’s hand folded around his own, “I can see you’re thinking bad of yourself again. We are _all_ so happy to have you here, you have nothing to feel ashamed of and nothing to prove.”

Brushing a stray hair away from the Captain’s brow (and wasn’t the Captain getting rather addicted to the way William did that without even thinking), William’s face brightened up with one of his beautiful smiles just for the Captain, “I’m so happy, to have you here with me. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Blushing, the Captain ducked his head on a nod, “I’m very happy to be with you too.”

“Good,” William agreed, briefly stroking his fingers through the Captain’s hair, “Now, I’m rather famished and Vi’s Christmas chicken is calling my name. Shall we head home?”

Sliding his fingers between Williams, the Captain followed the other’s lead – a fond smile tugging at his lips to entire walk back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, SO sorry for the wait on this chapter. Work has been rather hellish honestly, and I only finally got some time to write over the past few days.
> 
> However, it looks like Christmas day will be a two-parter! I can't believe it took me 5k+ words to get to lunchtime, ridiculous.
> 
> Continuing thanks to Wheels for beta'ing and headcanon-ing, and thank you to all who are continuing to read, comment and kudos. It really does make me smile after a long day's work. <3
> 
> Oh finally, if you're interested in the clothing choices -   
> Violet is wearing this (with same hairstyle): https://d1u6g1e1nisfhs.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/articles-early-1940s-fashion-timeless.jpg  
> Cap is wearing this: https://miro.medium.com/max/700/1*J1reWjm5LVBSxQCtyDSQGQ@2x.jpeg


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